Friday, February 26, 2010

Farafina Trust

Farafina Trust will be holding a creative writing workshop in Lagos, organized by award-winning writer and creative director of Farafina Trust, Chimamanda Adichie, from May 20 to May 29 2010. The workshop is sponsored by Nigerian Breweries Plc. Guest writers who will co-teach the workshop alongside Adichie are the Caine Prize Winning Kenyan writer Binyavanga Wainaina, Chika Unigwe winner of a Rockefeller Foundation fellowship for creative writing, South African writer Niq Mhlongo and celebrated Ghanaian writer Ama Ata Aidoo.

The workshop will take the form of a class. Participants will be assigned a wide range of reading exercises, as well as daily writing exercises. The aim of the workshop is to improve the craft of Nigerian writers and to encourage published and unpublished writers by bringing different perspectives to the art of storytelling. Participation is limited only to those who apply and are accepted.

To apply, send an e-mail to

Your e-mail subject should read ‘Workshop Application.’

The body of the e-mail should contain the following:
1. Your Name
2. Your address
3. A few sentences about yourself
4. A writing sample of between 200 and 800 words. The sample must be either fiction or non-fiction.

All material must be pasted or written in the body of the e-mail. Please Do NOT include any attachments in your e-mail. Applications with attachments will be automatically disqualified. Deadline for submissions is April 22 2010. Only those accepted to the workshop will be notified by May 6 2010. Accommodation in Lagos will be provided for all accepted applicants who are able to attend for the ten-day duration of the workshop. A literary evening of readings, open to the public, will be held at the end of the workshop.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


I can't keep doing this...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

In the spirit of blogville

In the spirit of blogville

I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but his work has touched my heart in a way that I may be able to describe –
But not now, that one is story for another day.
Adebanji Adeola Alade can make things beautiful with his pencil and paint brush.
Really beautiful.
Here’s the thing, I want (us) to do something for him in the spirit of blogville.
It’s something most of us have probably not heard about.
Adebanji has been shortlisted for the Great Britons competition again.
Last time, he finished fourth. The judges really like his stuff but the competition is purely a vote-and-win scenario.
If he wins, he'll get a chance to fulfill his dreams of visiting America to paint and sketch scences of New York that he has always imagined in his head.
People haven’t been voting, not because they don’t like his work, or they don’t care but because they haven’t even heard of it!
So, the judges have given him another chance and it’s a big challenge
For Adebanji
For bloggers
and finally Nigerians.
Since when do we ever carry last?
Adebanji Adeola Alade needs your votes, and it’s really simple, log in to and create an account to vote.
If you think it’s a long thing, not to worry, you can vote with your Facebook account, just click on the Facebook icon you see on the page.
Please do what you can to make people know, here in blogville, a quick post with the link will do (esp for those of you that have run out of ideas on what to talk about and on Facebook with your status messages! And then on twitter!! And as many websites as possible. PLEASE GUYS!!!
He’s still 6th going by the last ratings, and in less than 5 days the results will be announced.
So what if he wins by a landslide sef? He’s Nigerian after all.
Let the campaign begin!!!

He needs over two thousand votes and I say ‘Yesss! We Can!!!!’

Wednesday, July 8, 2009



I don't know how many of you have heard of him.
But this my friend is all that.
And he's been here for a looong time...unnoticed by all!!!!
Check him out him some love.

PS: will do a proper update soon, i've been away for too long.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


I have been putting off updating for yearssss, my thoughts have been a little bit misconstructed or is it unconstructed? (English scholars please help!) at the moment.

So, my babies have driven me to come here and wish them a belated Happy Children’s Day! Here's a special shout out to all my childrenssess, esp Ifeluta, Baby, Tl, Agape and Kanyi (so tell your mothers to get off my back!).

Okay, so what have I been up to? Work, work and more work.

Can you people please help me beg Baba Tayo, he’s the bus driver that takes me and my neighbours to work everyday. You see, I suspect this man works for the devil. I leave home at 5:30 and I don’t get to work till like 7:30! That’s like two hours on the road that just don’t make sense. Why? I’ll tell you why.
1. Baba Tayo stops every 15 minutes to pee and in some cases, poop. He’s a grown man, why can’t he hold these things?!
2. his main aim is to find every possible pot hole in the road and plunge into them, maybe someone has threatened to kill him if he doesn't do this.
3. when vehicles are going bumper to bumper, Baba Tayo searches for the slowest moving lane and joins such lane, if he doesn’t, then there’s a problem somewhere in his head, trust me.
4. he doesn’t remember to strap on his seatbelt until a LASTMA official is around the corner, one day, they held him for hours, I had to find my way to the office without him.
5. the worst one is, he sleeps while on duty. Risking my precious life like it doesn’t really matter.

I have been searching for alternatives, the only one I’ve come up with is buying a Range Rover, and since I can’t even afford even the tyres right now, I’m sticking with Baba Tayo. Remember us in your prayers.

On to another issue, if you didn’t know before, my mother is a primary school teacher. Yesterday, she shared this amazing gist of her Primary 6 students caught in the act. Can you believe it? It was raining and the stupid boy and his senseless girlfriend decided to go for a quickie in the toilet, unfortunately they were caught! The other students spoilt their show. Lol. Senseless and Stupid were sent to call their parents and Senseless denied it saying she was flying the red flag, unfortunately, one of the female teachers insisted on checking her down below, lo and behold! The only liquid soaking anything was her excitement juice! You know what I mean?

I really didn’t know what sex was till maybe after junior high, I never thought of doing it till after senior high…and even now, as old as I am, I still don’t treat my down-below with such arrant carelessness.
Times are changing. We can somehow link this case to the Global Economic Meltdown, now known as GEM. Since the kids can’t go to silverbird and do all the cool stuff that rich kids do, they explored –like the smart kids that they are-and they have found something more interesting than Disney World- s.e.x.!

Hannah is doing very well, thanks to those of you who have been asking after her. She is now officailly a BRAT.

She came 4th in a class of 32 last term! I was so proud of her, the remark on her report sheet said, ‘She has shown a great level of improvement. A good student to emulate in all things’. After I saw that, I bought her a pair of Jesus sandals that she had been going on and on about.
I tell you, this girl is more fashionable than you can think. And one more thing, her English has so improved, you won’t believe she was a village girl just about six months ago. Sometime last week, I said to her ‘Charlie (bdw, she sometimes insists I call her Charlie Champagne, or Charlie for short), come and go and buy salt downstairs’ guess what? She eyed me disgustingly and asked, ‘what is the meaning of come and go and ?’, I was amazed. I have since learned to speak only Queens English to her, whether she understands or not is none of my darn business.

Another thing that I can’t seem to get off my mind is the growing bump on her chest, soon the red bug will come visiting every month…this girl is maturing and she’s too smart for her own good. I don’t know what to say to her that she hasn’t already learnt on TV. Ideas anybody? Please help.

Lastly, I have made a great discovery in blogville that deserves a full single post. Watch this space over the weekend.

Friday, May 8, 2009


Who stole my phone???

Someone took my NOKIA phone at CMS this morning and switched it off...naturally, i'm just going to assume it was stolen, not that some kind man wants to relieve me of the burden of picking my annoying calls.

I'm so burnt.

And why do people keep sneezing around me without covering their mouths???

I'm soooooooo hating!!!!


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Where is He?

photo courtesy
I haven’t been to church in a while; I haven’t been to church this year. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that churches have now become the fashionistas’ playground, me sef, I dey try once in a while to represent…and the fact that I stopped going is not evidence that I have grown weary of ‘competition’, I didn’t even consider all that pettiness as competition; not at City of David where the only acceptable cars are Hummers, Rovers, Mercedes GLs, EODs and Baby boys, lucky you if you have an Element; not at Daystar where you have to hide your handbag under your armpits if it isn’t Gucci or Guess or Ferragammo or LV and the likes, not at Christ Church or KICC or CICC or CCC or any other C church you can think of where you don’t have to cover your million braids and Take-A-Bow that you fixed at Make Me or Zoom Place.

Yesterday, a colleague at work asked me if I remember to pay tithe at the end of the month, I said to her that I set aside over 10% of what I earn and give it to people that really need it, that I am not one of those who believe in paying my tithe to ‘the church’. She called a meeting of about four people and started preaching to me about the rewards of tithing and first fruits and all. Sadly, I still am not convinced.

She asked me how I think the church pays rent, and fuels its generator, and buys chairs and pays the gateman etc. etc. There was a time when I believed in the church’s needs, when I understood that the church needs my money to survive, but after a while, it became obvious how gullible I had been.

Right in front of my friend’s close is an RCCG, somewhere down the road is another RCCG, and then these two churches, preaching the same sermons, singing the same songs, worshipping the same God, want to pay 1million naira each at the end of the year to their landlords, what manner of giving is that??? By the way, these two churches are not there on their own, somewhere in between the short distance, there are a Foursquare Gospel Church, a Mountain of Fire, a Good News Bible Church, one C&S Bible church and a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. In my estate, there is a whole street dedicated to churches, Church Street they call it, I have been there once, and there are about thirty churches there, two or three sharing a building. Every Sunday, you should see the pandemonium! they dance and sing and compete for God’s attention, the same people preach that there is only one God. Which one? Who is right and who is wrong?

If tithing and giving offerings in church was really worth it, I’d go out of my way to give, bountifully even. But why should I pay my tithes to a church that goes on to build universities that over half the members cannot afford to get a degree from? My colleague’s argument was that they need to pay staff and make profit. Make profit! Since when did a church need to make profit??? Another colleague said they need to set standards. My gawd! How can a church of all places (or people?) practice such social stratification? Even the General Overseer openly said (disdainfully if I might add), ‘my school is not for everyone!’ Wasn’t all man born equal? With some luckier than others? Isn’t the church supposed to bridge this gap between the bourgeoisies and the ‘masses’? Isn’t love and oneness the message of the church? What frigging standards?!?

Why should I pay tithes to a church when the pastor openly throws a society wedding for his son that I am way beneath even the littlest person on the guest list? Once I saw a man of God give out his daughter’s hand in marriage and on the high table were traditional rulers displaying their juju, governors who had openly admitted to looting public funds, there were fireworks and the lot. My colleague said, ‘ the pastor is a human being like me and you, he gave up a career to spread the gospel, surely, he should be allowed to give his daughter a befitting wedding if he wants to’, oh well! Not with my money, Hells NO!, what then is the difference between a so-called man of God and a man of the world?

Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that with the numerous numbers of churches in Lagos, only Lagos o, there shouldn’t be this much suffering around, this staggering crime rate, this begging, and this much starvation on the streets of Lagos. As the churches are increasing, so is the poverty I see around everywhere I turn. In Our pastors are too busy acquiring private jets and taking advantage of real estate opportunities in the United States to notice poor Agnes who has been raped and battered and left to rot on the street, or little Tobi whose mother has breast cancer and sits on Cele bridge begging for alms, or this my guy Tony, one-legged, very bright young chap who sits on Cele bridge selling Etisalat and Visafone sim cards, a vital resource well – untapped. The church should notice all these people, but guess what? They don’t… someone else has anyways, Governor Fashola! First, I’ll happily pay my PAYE tax at a whopping 40%, before I pay it to the church, at least our governor is accountable and I can see taxpayers’ money in action, as opposed to seeing tithers’ money in inaction.

I’ll give anything to understand why there are so many Christians around and yet they all refuse to agree that this one God is the same. That he is omnipresent. He doesn’t stay at the Redeem Camp and never leaves, He is not buried at MFM Prayer City, He is alive, He goes before me, He stands beside me, He is in my head and all around me, I don’t want anyone telling me that He is at Kilometer 46 or or 48 or 49 or 40 million Lagos Ibadan Expressway, the God I serve does not permanently reside in camps, He does not restrict himself to kilometers. He is right here, right now.

I know the bible says ‘do not forsake the gathering of the righteous’ but there is so much hypocrisy, so much corruption that I do not know who the righteous are anymore. When people talk about corruption in Nigeria, no one denies its existence or attempts to cover up the extent to which it is found to be in public life, it is there- all too obviously- admitted and deplored, I am just pained that Christians practice and tolerate it to this extent. I still wonder how Reverend King, supposedly sentenced to death by hanging still holds crusades in his church and draws large crowds like water, how the Chosen people believe that theirs is the only God and struggle violently to prove it, why churches use the tithes from its members to sponsor heavily expensive radio and television ads…to draw a larger crowd and more tithes… I long for the day when Christians will really be Christ-like, where men of God will lead by example, where they will demonstrate by their own lives and churches that they will not tolerate hypocrisy.

My God is everywhere; I am not going to Church Street or Kilometer 55 to look for Him. He is in my head and all around me.