Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mr. Federal Government.

Mr Federal Government,

I know who you are, I see you everyday,

Everywhere I turn

there's a picture of you,

Everything I touch already has your mark on it.

Mr. Federal Government, I am not happy with you,

I bear a serious grudge against you,

I know it might not bother you,

I'm just one in a million,

but my one means alot.

Not a day goes by that you don't make me want to cry.

Mr. Federal Government, what did I ever do to you???

I stay up most nights thinking about you,

it's too hot to sleep,

What can i do to make you forgive me???

I need my sleep,

sometimes, a tiny tomato light is all I need,

to power my ceiling fan,

and have a good night rest,

but you hold onto the power,

you hold onto it like your life depends on it,

Mr Federal Government, you are so spiteful.

I ask myself over and over again,

'what did I ever do to you?'

When you needed my support,

I was there for you,

I helped you up the ladder,

how can you pay me back with such hatred???

Mr Federal Government, my school is literarily just a stone throw away,

but the road is really tiny,

every time I ride the bus

I run late,

every day the road gets smaller, it seems,

Mr. Federal Government, I HAVE to go to school,

so I risk my precious life everyday,

riding a bike, that feels like a lear,

I HAVE to go to school,

I HAVE to make all your wrongs right someday.

What did I ever do to you????

You don't care about my health,

I could as well be dead,

the other day I needed an appendectomy,

I ran to you for help,

but I couldn't find you,

then I ran to Lagoon,

Mr Federal Government, they made me wait,

they made me wait to fill out forms,

to arrange a payment plan,

I was in pain,

it was an emergency!

You weren't there for me,

You were in Germany,

doing your monthly check-ups

(do you have cancer?)

what would it cost you to insure my health?

You promised to care for me,

I haven't been bad,

what are you punishing me for???

Mr Federal Government,

what did I ever do to you???

it's getting harded to feed,

the prices are sky rocketing

and I am afraid,

We are all scared,

For our fried and jollof rice,

we now use garri,

of course you don't know how it tastes,

you are busy with your super, lower, semi and lesser hajj,

jet fuel abusing around the world.

I never had to worry about food

till you came around.

Everyone is complaining,

yet you're busy shuffling and re-arranging your cabinet,

Mr Federal Government, are we going to eat your ministers eventually?

I don't know what my baby sister would have done for school,

but thank God for Mr. State Government,

he is a better man than you.

Mr Federal Government, what CAN you do to make my life more comfortable?

I ask because, you haven't given me water,

you haven't given me food,

I have to work extra hard to clothe myself,

to buy feul that provides my own electricity,

I can't wait for you anymore,

on my own, I am trying,

I am trying to give my baby sister a decent life,

I am trying to make her happy,

I'm trying to make her a better person,

I don't ever want her to feel this hatred that I feel,

it's not a very good feeling.

I will continue to try,

I will try to be happy,

to spite you.

Mr Federal Government,

tell me, what did I ever do to you???

This thing between you and me,

it's personal.

I am not the 'Masses'

I am Woomie,

I helped you up,

with my sweat,

with my blood!

This thing between you and me,

it really is personal,

I am not a hateful person Mr. Federal Government,

but I won't sit back and watch you cheat me,

tell me what it is

that you seem to be punishing me for,

your seven-point agenda that I supported?

or your vision that I believe in?

It has been almost two years,

and look how you have paid me back!

You know what?

Mr Federal Government, I don't care anymore,

I think you're an ass.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Count your blessings...see?! They're a lot.

So I've been sitting at home, depressed, complaining about having no money and all...stupid me!
This morning, I woke up and the first thing on my mind was 'Gosh! I'm dead broke!'
I completely hate being broke...maybe not hate...I fear being broke. I was busy counting my twenty twenty naira here and there, searching my dirty clothes for fifty naira here, hundred naira there. You see, I've been saving this 4k in my bag for like a week cuz my cream is finishing...
I just thought of diping my hand in the money to buy art supplies when my dad started screaming my name up and down the house. 'Oooohhhh God! What naow??? This man should leave me alone jare', Maybe God can touch his heart to raise me o!, so I literarily fly to the sitting room and I give him my most charming Cinderella look ever, the man didn't even look face at all, 'look, today , you are going to cook gbure for me, and small buy elubo too. The food better be ready when I get back' ope o! at least I can gain like 1k if I pinch money for soup and amala.Lemme still try my luck sha. 'Ahem! Daddy, there's something I want to tell you' He gives me his Tony Montana look and is like, 'look Woomie I'm late for work, shey you can see the rain, when I come back', Chei!, 'Errm wait now daddy, it's about that thing I told you before ...', cuts in, 'I know, Cambridge Pronounciation Dictionary, I haven't forgotten o madam' *hiss*, 'No o, its...' cuts in again, turning the lock,' What? you don't want it again??? Wo, leave me jare lemme go', hesitate a second, 'I still want it, it's just that I'm, eem, I'm broke' then I turn to run away while he pretends to be shocked, he turns around to the calender, 'You're a joker! I don't owe you any money until, wait first, em em, look, I don't owe you any money until Saturday, now let me pass abeg abeg!' Eh God o! I reload my Cinderella look and as he dips his hand into his pocket and brings out two 1,000 naira notes, my antagonist sister appears out of the blue! shit! this girl is fond of this thing, I do all the hard work and she comes in at the last minute to share the money with me 50-50, I couldn't complain sha. 'Gee, thanks dad, don't forget the dictionary o!' I shout as he goes down the stairs, ' You're not serious.That's the money I just shared for you two o!' eeerrm, warreva! i know he's kidding.

Anyways, I'm about two or three thousand naira richer...then my cousin in FCT calls and he gives me the pin for a Presto (Bank PHB's local money transfer) worth 6k that he'd sent yesterday, is this my luck day or what???he he he.

So, I set my alarm to 12noon and log onto facebook...I tell you, I didn't stand up till I heard the alarm go off...the curse of Facebook.

I pick my wallet and my Bagco to the market!

I was busy doing my do, pricing snail here, fighting tooth and nail to get the deal of a lifetime with my Shaki and brokoto for 800, I can not fit to touch my gain o! Anyways, I finallydecided to bone cow leg and just buy Shaki, money no reach for all that kain thing, not if i still intend to gain my 1,500 gerege. I almost forgot to buy pepper sef! The pepper cost no be small o, after grinding 300 naira pepper, I couldn't even find it, anyways, I decided to complement it with Cayenne pepper and crayfish, I usually like to grind this mixture at the market, so I moved to the nearest stall to grind my thing then I notice the guy there looking a teeny weeny bit uneasy, of course!!! I recognise his face!!! This guy's in my department, here he is, grinding dry pepper in the market, now this guy is one brilliant chap, he looks at me to see if I'm a bit disgusted or pitiful or something and then tries to explain himself, 'Woomie, this is where I am o. You know, erm eerm, *scratching his head* (i'm like wtf! in my mind. guy, you don't owe me an explanation at all) all that money for handout and textbook and sorting, I get it from this my small grinding machine', 'Eeeiyaa', I reply o ma se o, eerrmm what was I supposed to say??? Desperately trying to change the subject I ask him one or two things about the current happenings in school, this is one guy I would normally not chat with in school, all we say is hello, good morning, can I please join your group for so so so and so course or something?, cuz he's a bit of a ruffian in school and I no want wahala for myself, so chatting with him was a tad bit weird. Eventually, we had this usual moment when one person heaves a sigh and the other responds with another sigh and then someone changes the subject with a stupid or irrelevant question, his was, 'Ah! did you come to the market???' no o ode, I'm just inspecting Governor Fashola's work in progress around Lagos' 'eem, yes, I just came to buy food stuff' I reply, faking a smile. 'So, do you want to grind pepper???' for a second I thought of lying and running the hell out of there, t'was getting really weird . 'yes, thank you', he grinds my pepper and tries to refuse my money, of course he hadn't seen what I was offering him, then he looks at my hand and he's like, 'Ah! I don't have that kind of change o', 'Don't be silly, you you think I'm offering you these two notes because you blended this tiny pepper for me? Take jare just to hold body and soul together, don't cause a scene here' he grabs the notes, grining from ear to ear, 'thank you o Woomie, thank you very much, Ah! God bless you! May God replenish your pockeks, May God she kini kan she kini kan...' so much for avoiding a scene 'Ok o eerrm eerm, shey your name is Emmanuel??', 'No, it's Emeka, thank you o! thank you!' o ga o, there goes my gain, and then some. But it did feel good to see the guy smile so hard, how can someone sit under that kinda sun and make roughly 16o naira everyday (on a good day, according to him) only to go to school and buy thousands of naira worth of unnecessary handouts and texbooks in order to avoid carry-overs??? What a life!

I just realised that, for me, being so broke ain't really that bad, I don't have to pay my bills or buy my own books all the time, I have my dad, cousins and aunties, and they're always touched by my fine-bara, you see, I always try to rotate it so that one single person doesn't feel like my own is too much. The trick really works. I'm blessed. And I will feel even more fufilled if and when I get a job in the next few weeks.

My water-leaf soup turned out soooo so well, I'm sucha great cook o guys! Not like I'm bragging or something, I'm just saying.

Shout out to Poeticallytinted, that's one blogger that really helped with my last post! You really rock!!! Thank you all (except NaughtyEyes, don't let me catch you o). All the advice has really really helped, I'm working on it. Be good and abound y'all.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

CRYING OUT LOUD: I need some form of employment.

I did this post a while ago and got not positive answers, so out of desperation, I'm doing it blggers better not make mad fun of me this time around, it's really not funny anymore.

Why aren’t there any jobs in Lagos (Nigeria???) for jobless students like me? Or haven’t I searched all the right places?
There’s so much I can do without a degree! Hell! There isn’t much I can do with one.
Anyways, what I’m driving at is this: I NEED A JOB! Nigeria, is that too much to ask? I cannot stand the thought of doing absofrickinlutely NOTHING everyday in the next few weeks. Damn! If I’m going to spend it reading for one exam of or attending some silly lectures, I’ve had enough! I do that all year round, it doesn’t enrich my pockets in ANY way. Boy, I have needs that ‘I’ want to take care of (starting with my schlock wardrobe that I need to upgrade, a new p.c, my fast-becoming-archaic book collection AND of course my now empty pen collection, BDW, I collect pens, … I just want to take care of myself by myself)
So, if you’re reading this and shaking your head and saying, ‘there’s no hope for me, I simply can not get a job without a degree’ Shame On You! Who made that the Basic Standard? It is people like you that make living in Nigeria difficult. All I want is a good-interesting-professional-fun job that beats watching E-News and soap re-runs all day.
If you have one in mind, holler at me. Oh! Wait a minute! I have to draw up a C.V right? Now that’s some shit cuz it’ll be soooo scanty-looking. But then, I can tell y’all here:
My name’s Woomie, I’m from West Nigeria, I’m under 21 but not a minor, 4th year, Accounting, LASU SPTS. I passed the ICAN ATS 1 exam in the last September diet, not a big deal BUT! It implies that I have a fair knowledge of Basic Accounting Processes and Systems, Business Law and Economics AND I have excellent communications skills. I am an ORACLE Certified Associate (10g, with 11i Financials in view); still afraid to take my OCP certification. I can sell ideas and do PR stuff BUT I can’t go around selling products and services, sorry. But! there's not a lot that I can't do, really.
I speak three languages very well, they include:
1. Good English;
2. Bad English; and
3. Yoruba* and if it counts, I understand little kids too.
I’m a size 16, bespectacled and probably taller than you or YOU (just in case u’re wondering) if any or all of these bother you, then don’t offer me a job.
If you won’t employ me for my skills (or lack of it), then trust your instincts, just go ahead and employ me, I need professional work experience (preferably as a junoir DBA), I am fun to work with and I’ll make the job a whole lot easier AND you can have me in the next few weeks (hey! Pervs, I mean TO WORK WITH, get those silly ideas out of your mind)…and you better not be paying peanuts! Please, I hate to wear shoes!!!! Don't make me dress "corporate"-whatever that means.

Feel free to leave you comments about what kind of jobs you’re offering, TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY…thank y’all.