Sunday, October 5, 2008

CRYING OUT LOUD: I need some form of employment.

I did this post a while ago and got not positive answers, so out of desperation, I'm doing it again...you blggers better not make mad fun of me this time around, it's really not funny anymore.


Why aren’t there any jobs in Lagos (Nigeria???) for jobless students like me? Or haven’t I searched all the right places?
There’s so much I can do without a degree! Hell! There isn’t much I can do with one.
Anyways, what I’m driving at is this: I NEED A JOB! Nigeria, is that too much to ask? I cannot stand the thought of doing absofrickinlutely NOTHING everyday in the next few weeks. Damn! If I’m going to spend it reading for one exam of or attending some silly lectures, I’ve had enough! I do that all year round, it doesn’t enrich my pockets in ANY way. Boy, I have needs that ‘I’ want to take care of (starting with my schlock wardrobe that I need to upgrade, a new p.c, my fast-becoming-archaic book collection AND of course my now empty pen collection, BDW, I collect pens, … I just want to take care of myself by myself)
So, if you’re reading this and shaking your head and saying, ‘there’s no hope for me, I simply can not get a job without a degree’ Shame On You! Who made that the Basic Standard? It is people like you that make living in Nigeria difficult. All I want is a good-interesting-professional-fun job that beats watching E-News and soap re-runs all day.
If you have one in mind, holler at me. Oh! Wait a minute! I have to draw up a C.V right? Now that’s some shit cuz it’ll be soooo scanty-looking. But then, I can tell y’all here:
My name’s Woomie, I’m from West Nigeria, I’m under 21 but not a minor, 4th year, Accounting, LASU SPTS. I passed the ICAN ATS 1 exam in the last September diet, not a big deal BUT! It implies that I have a fair knowledge of Basic Accounting Processes and Systems, Business Law and Economics AND I have excellent communications skills. I am an ORACLE Certified Associate (10g, with 11i Financials in view); still afraid to take my OCP certification. I can sell ideas and do PR stuff BUT I can’t go around selling products and services, sorry. But! there's not a lot that I can't do, really.
I speak three languages very well, they include:
1. Good English;
2. Bad English; and
3. Yoruba* and if it counts, I understand little kids too.
I’m a size 16, bespectacled and probably taller than you or YOU (just in case u’re wondering) if any or all of these bother you, then don’t offer me a job.
If you won’t employ me for my skills (or lack of it), then trust your instincts, just go ahead and employ me, I need professional work experience (preferably as a junoir DBA), I am fun to work with and I’ll make the job a whole lot easier AND you can have me in the next few weeks (hey! Pervs, I mean TO WORK WITH, get those silly ideas out of your mind)…and you better not be paying peanuts! Please, I hate to wear shoes!!!! Don't make me dress "corporate"-whatever that means.



Feel free to leave you comments about what kind of jobs you’re offering, TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY…thank y’all.

9 comments:

aloted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
poeticallytinted said...

Hey girl, no need to get frustrated, if your G.P.A is above the 2.1 mark (whatever scale your school uses) go to KPMG in Gerrard Road Ikoyi, it's a consulting firm, mostly audit, advisory and tax. You can inquire about their internship programme and what you need to do to get in. Ask for Ngozi Adebiyi she's Head of HR there. If you fulfill all the requirements they'll snap you up. Size and Height don't matter, what matters is the brains I know you've got girl.
Option 2, start a small scale business that isn't capital intensive.

All the best.

Tolu Ogunlesi said...

You're just too much girl!
Whether its humor o, abi qualifications...

Btw, u mean u don't speak Pidgin, and Ninglish (which btw is neither bad nor good english, jus' simply wholly-nigerian english ('stood' for 'stool', 'ax' for 'ask' etc)

And of course, I'm FIRST - not like i wanna boast about it though - or am I not?

Chari said...

I think in Nigeria...the very bare truth is you have to make a niche for yourself...in the past like 3/4 months I have griped like you are doing now and I just came to the conclusion that no one will employ without a degree and that is just the plain truth...so, my advice...find what you love to do and DO IT...financial mula will come on the side....

Woomie O! said...

Shout out to PoeticallyInclined!!!the only one that's really really helped...sorry I can't put up ur comment...i'm afraid of Charizard, like a vulture, he might just snatch the nice opportunity before i get a chance.

@ Aloted: thanks sis, I understand.

@Tolu: sori, u're second. Ninglish? I like that...it's how 'not' to speak English...I'm an expert. Thank God I know when to make the switches.

@ Chari: swit, i've been trying to figure out what i like to do besides reading...and i'm still trying. Do you know if anyone will pay me to READ something for them??? like editors and stuff?

aloted said...

i just noticed my not so good english (ibon) in my first comment so i have deleted and I am repasting!!! I am still first- lol
****************************

Hmm...pele o..

u might consider volunteering for a small company...

sorry i aint helping much. wish i had a job to offer u

all the best!!!

Standtall said...

Try volunteering for NGOs that you share their vision. See if u can apply for intership.

Can you handle research? You might try and create being a field agent for some research company or some individual needing one for thier projects. ( I did this and I am still doing it)

Can you bake cakes and other pastry and supply eateries or make it for b'day, anniversary and let pple other from you?

Look within you for an unbeatable skill you have got and you will be on top of your game. All the best dearie

N.I.M.M.O said...

Go to a good company that has good prospects and volunteer to work for them for FREE.

We still don't know how to volunteer in this country that's our biggest problem. We always want something for nothing.

Of course the company must have a staff bus, lunch and of course a stipend plus good learning opportunities.

I am sure you will get one or two. Try Mobil, MTN, Oando even NNPC.

Naughty Eyes said...

Your Excellency,
As your Chief Protocol Officer, may I bring it to your notice that your recent public pronouncements have done nothing but tarnish your highly buffed and shined image as continuously polished by my humble Ministry.
First of all, you have created an artificial scarcity in the Fashion department because the most sought-after attire by males in this country is now a stupid T-shirt with the inscription “All Girls Come From The Dumb Factory”.
Secondly, by your usage of bad Grammar, you have made all English books disappear from bookshelves only to be replaced by “Comprehensive Ninglish for Senior Secondary Schools” written by Laide.
Thirdly, two clowns by the names CEE and XsN are ACTUALLY casting you as a fat bitch in their next editions of “Who Wants To Be A Pauper” and “Night Of A Thousand Tears” TV shows.
And lastly, Your Majesty, if you say you are unemployed and looking for a job, then: HOW THE HELL DID YOU BECOME OUR EFF-ing PRESIDENT?
I still remain,

Your ex-Protocol Officer (after you read this)