Thursday, December 25, 2008

This Christmas.


My grandma died on December 25th. of cancer. breast cancer.
I wasn't even born then.
But I miss her. I miss her, even though I don't know her, I can see what her absence does to my dad at Christmas.
I know he remembers the pain, the fight, the tears. And he can't smile genuinely, he can't laugh from deep in his stomach like he usually does, I miss that.
I miss my grandma.

This season sucks...somehow.

I don't like the new year's day either.

My uncle died on a 31st night. People had said that he wouldn't see the new year. I wanted to prove them wrong.
I did everything to prove them wrong. I had recently given my life to God at the time, I prayed and fasted and cried. I loved my uncle, I'ld choose him over my dad sometimes, that's how close we were. That's how much I loved him. I never worried about birthday cakes, holiday trips, pocket money, anything, he was always there. I'd always thought that if anything ever went wrong, I had him, I was secure. We were all secure.

For months, the doctors still couldn't get a proper diagnosis, they concluded that it was a spiritual attack, so I prayed and prayed. I didn't believe that someone somewhere could have made juju to hurt my uncle, my uncle had a large heart. He loved everyone. But relatives were dropping names and blaming juju. I didn't believe it, but I prayed and prayed.

Nothing happened, I even turned to Islam, I was confused , I did everything I could. He had to see the new year, I promised God anything; my womb, my brain, my legs, my hair, anything, just to save my uncle. I was 14. I was confused.

When my cousin called at a few minutes to midnight on the 31st. I just knew. Everything was a blur, my mother weeping like a baby, my father shivering and screaming, my brother crying and sniffing and not taking it like a man, my sister tearing out her hair and sweeping the whole sandy compound with her body, down to the main gate, back to the door, then again and again...I didn't try to stop her. I just stood there. I had never seen anything like that before.

I was in shock, and so, I couldn't cry. I picked my scarf, and went to church. I had questions. I still have those questions. I couldn't cry. And I couldn't bring myself to attend his funeral. I couldn't say goodbye, I can't.

I don't like death. I don't like what it does to me. And I don't understand why it happens on the wrong days, holidays, Christmas, NewYear's, Easter, birthdays, Children's Day, days that i want to be distracted but cannot...because the government says to me, 'SAY AT HOME AND MOURN!'. I don't understand. Why it sometimes takes away the people that I love. Why I can't cry about it, even though I hear that it helps to cry. Why I try not to love because I have abandonment issues. Why I love anyways. It scares me. It annoys me. And I try to be strong about it.

Sometimes, I wonder what it will feel like to cry about these things. I have tried. Tears are not enough. Prayers weren't enough. Better to save your strenght.

This season sucks. Even though it doesn't always happen like this every year, this is one of those years, I guess. Amongst other painful things, these are the scenes, the memories that I can't get out of my head.

So, everybody sweats me to share, that it helps. This is the best I can do as far as sharing goes. And I feel as though it hasn't helped.lol.


*clears throat*
In the general spirit of Christmas, we have prepared an itineray for our dear *whispers* less priviledged blogfam member, Nauhty Eyes. Please follow this link to see how involved you are, cuz, trust me, you are. rotflamfao! It promises to be fun.


And by the way, I spoke with buttercup yesterday!!!! *whispers* she's in town. She doesn't want the sharp sharp pictures of her out, but I'll put them up to piss her off anyways. LOL.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Eko Dialogue.

I was at the last Writers Anonymous meeting and I had a swell time.
Met a couple of great people... A lot of interesting topics were discussed...there's no valuing what I learned in that single day.

There was a short book reading by Joy Isi Bewaji from her new book Eko Dialogue. I really like the book, it's what I'ld call a good investment. And it's a finishable kinda book, to all of you who are scared of epistles, go out and get a copy ASAP!!! Seriously.






Here's my simple review of the book:


'Unputdownable from start to finish! Short, rare and true. It is a believable book that depicts the typical Lagos life. The final chapter is almost the essence of the book, the missing piece that you didn't even notice was missing. As far and as captivating as short stories go, Joy Isi Bewaji had done it!'



By the way, Joy is a blogger! She is at isi's playground. Just in case you didn't know.
Eko Dialogue is a book you can offer your guests when you run out of food and drinks! You won't be accused of being a terrible host, trust me.

Go out and get a copy!
Call the number (+234) 0702 808 9176, for purchase and delivery information.
And if you have a copy, spread the word! There's need for people out there to know that some Nigerians can write good short novels, let's put an end to mediocrity!

PS:hey! I've been trying to upload photos from behind the scenes of the Sharp Sharp video, but it's taking forever. It will be posted soon, definitely before the video is released.lol.

Off to do my blog rounds!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

SharpSharp!

So the shoot is wrapped!!!
Now all y'all should just wait for the video!!!
And, remember I told you to watch out for buttercup???














Will post more pictures soon, they're alot and they're really large...so watch out!

Go out and get a copy of Eko Dialouge!!!! Bloggers outside Naija who want a copy of Eko Dialogue should watch this space for more info! or go to Isi's Playground


Will be right back! Promise.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Always on my mind.


Out of NO TIME I'm stealing time to update. School resumed and I kinda missed two weeks of work, so I'm trying to catch up. It sucks...badly.
I miss you all sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. It might have been easier to keep in touch if my darn computer hadn't picked the worst time to crash. It felt like someone really close to me died. Really bad.
Bdw, who has missed me sef???
Bunch of bad people, y'all.
I wish I could do my blog rounds...but I have to read SAS 1 - 30, I'm working on three to five every week, in between my novels and magazines and all... I like the course though, but the lecturer is M.A.D.D.D.D, plus he has a thing for me, if I ain't giving him some loving, I might as well work on getting me the strongest A ever.
Please remember to pray for me o!!!! I don't know how my job thing is going.
Adorable, I owe you big time o!!!!
I'll be in touch with blogville somehow...if my sis doesn't kill me this afternoon for wearing her slippers and jewelery to school...or if the Accounting Theory lecturer doesn't corner me and rape me to death tomorrow...lol.
One.




PS: about the picture, my friend Rex signed on with this new record label in SA, his group (of two) PINCODE has a new album coming out soon...the hit song Sharp-Sharp is to-die-for!!! Look out for the video! it's being shot in SA at the moment (I hear buttercup is adorning a thong in the video!!!!ohh la la J.K.). It's Bravo baby!!!! You heard it here first!!!!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mr. Federal Government.


Mr Federal Government,


I know who you are, I see you everyday,


Everywhere I turn


there's a picture of you,


Everything I touch already has your mark on it.














Mr. Federal Government, I am not happy with you,


I bear a serious grudge against you,


I know it might not bother you,


I'm just one in a million,


but my one means alot.


Not a day goes by that you don't make me want to cry.


Mr. Federal Government, what did I ever do to you???










I stay up most nights thinking about you,


it's too hot to sleep,


What can i do to make you forgive me???


I need my sleep,


sometimes, a tiny tomato light is all I need,


to power my ceiling fan,


and have a good night rest,


but you hold onto the power,


you hold onto it like your life depends on it,


Mr Federal Government, you are so spiteful.















I ask myself over and over again,


'what did I ever do to you?'


When you needed my support,


I was there for you,


I helped you up the ladder,


how can you pay me back with such hatred???














Mr Federal Government, my school is literarily just a stone throw away,


but the road is really tiny,


every time I ride the bus


I run late,


every day the road gets smaller, it seems,


Mr. Federal Government, I HAVE to go to school,


so I risk my precious life everyday,


riding a bike, that feels like a lear,


I HAVE to go to school,


I HAVE to make all your wrongs right someday.











What did I ever do to you????




You don't care about my health,


I could as well be dead,


the other day I needed an appendectomy,


I ran to you for help,


but I couldn't find you,


then I ran to Lagoon,


Mr Federal Government, they made me wait,


they made me wait to fill out forms,


to arrange a payment plan,


I was in pain,


it was an emergency!


You weren't there for me,


You were in Germany,


doing your monthly check-ups


(do you have cancer?)


what would it cost you to insure my health?


You promised to care for me,


I haven't been bad,


what are you punishing me for???
















Mr Federal Government,


what did I ever do to you???


it's getting harded to feed,


the prices are sky rocketing


and I am afraid,


We are all scared,


For our fried and jollof rice,


we now use garri,


of course you don't know how it tastes,


you are busy with your super, lower, semi and lesser hajj,


jet fuel abusing around the world.


I never had to worry about food


till you came around.


Everyone is complaining,


yet you're busy shuffling and re-arranging your cabinet,


Mr Federal Government, are we going to eat your ministers eventually?


















I don't know what my baby sister would have done for school,


but thank God for Mr. State Government,


he is a better man than you.


Mr Federal Government, what CAN you do to make my life more comfortable?




I ask because, you haven't given me water,


you haven't given me food,


I have to work extra hard to clothe myself,


to buy feul that provides my own electricity,


I can't wait for you anymore,


on my own, I am trying,


I am trying to give my baby sister a decent life,


I am trying to make her happy,


I'm trying to make her a better person,


I don't ever want her to feel this hatred that I feel,


it's not a very good feeling.


I will continue to try,


I will try to be happy,


to spite you.










Mr Federal Government,


tell me, what did I ever do to you???


This thing between you and me,


it's personal.


I am not the 'Masses'


I am Woomie,


I helped you up,


with my sweat,


with my blood!


This thing between you and me,


it really is personal,


I am not a hateful person Mr. Federal Government,


but I won't sit back and watch you cheat me,


tell me what it is


that you seem to be punishing me for,


your seven-point agenda that I supported?


or your vision that I believe in?


It has been almost two years,


and look how you have paid me back!


You know what?


Mr Federal Government, I don't care anymore,


I think you're an ass.


Saturday, October 25, 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Count your blessings...see?! They're a lot.


So I've been sitting at home, depressed, complaining about having no money and all...stupid me!
This morning, I woke up and the first thing on my mind was 'Gosh! I'm dead broke!'
I completely hate being broke...maybe not hate...I fear being broke. I was busy counting my twenty twenty naira here and there, searching my dirty clothes for fifty naira here, hundred naira there. You see, I've been saving this 4k in my bag for like a week cuz my cream is finishing...
I just thought of diping my hand in the money to buy art supplies when my dad started screaming my name up and down the house. 'Oooohhhh God! What naow??? This man should leave me alone jare', Maybe God can touch his heart to raise me o!, so I literarily fly to the sitting room and I give him my most charming Cinderella look ever, the man didn't even look face at all, 'look, today , you are going to cook gbure for me, and small buy elubo too. The food better be ready when I get back' ope o! at least I can gain like 1k if I pinch money for soup and amala.Lemme still try my luck sha. 'Ahem! Daddy, there's something I want to tell you' He gives me his Tony Montana look and is like, 'look Woomie I'm late for work, shey you can see the rain, when I come back', Chei!, 'Errm wait now daddy, it's about that thing I told you before ...', cuts in, 'I know, Cambridge Pronounciation Dictionary, I haven't forgotten o madam' *hiss*, 'No o, its...' cuts in again, turning the lock,' What? you don't want it again??? Wo, leave me jare lemme go', hesitate a second, 'I still want it, it's just that I'm, eem, I'm broke' then I turn to run away while he pretends to be shocked, he turns around to the calender, 'You're a joker! I don't owe you any money until, wait first, five...six...seven...eight...eem em em, look, I don't owe you any money until Saturday, now let me pass abeg abeg!' Eh God o! I reload my Cinderella look and as he dips his hand into his pocket and brings out two 1,000 naira notes, my antagonist sister appears out of the blue! shit! this girl is fond of this thing, I do all the hard work and she comes in at the last minute to share the money with me 50-50, I couldn't complain sha. 'Gee, thanks dad, don't forget the dictionary o!' I shout as he goes down the stairs, ' You're not serious.That's the money I just shared for you two o!' eeerrm, warreva! i know he's kidding.


Anyways, I'm about two or three thousand naira richer...then my cousin in FCT calls and he gives me the pin for a Presto (Bank PHB's local money transfer) worth 6k that he'd sent yesterday, is this my luck day or what???he he he.


So, I set my alarm to 12noon and log onto facebook...I tell you, I didn't stand up till I heard the alarm go off...the curse of Facebook.


I pick my wallet and my Bagco bag...off to the market!


I was busy doing my do, pricing snail here, fighting tooth and nail to get the deal of a lifetime with my Shaki and brokoto for 800, I can not fit to touch my gain o! Anyways, I finallydecided to bone cow leg and just buy Shaki, money no reach for all that kain thing, not if i still intend to gain my 1,500 gerege. I almost forgot to buy pepper sef! The pepper cost no be small o, after grinding 300 naira pepper, I couldn't even find it, anyways, I decided to complement it with Cayenne pepper and crayfish, I usually like to grind this mixture at the market, so I moved to the nearest stall to grind my thing then I notice the guy there looking a teeny weeny bit uneasy, of course!!! I recognise his face!!! This guy's in my department, here he is, grinding dry pepper in the market, now this guy is one brilliant chap, he looks at me to see if I'm a bit disgusted or pitiful or something and then tries to explain himself, 'Woomie, this is where I am o. You know, erm eerm, *scratching his head* (i'm like wtf! in my mind. guy, you don't owe me an explanation at all) all that money for handout and textbook and sorting, I get it from this my small grinding machine', 'Eeeiyaa', I reply o ma se o, eerrmm what was I supposed to say??? Desperately trying to change the subject I ask him one or two things about the current happenings in school, this is one guy I would normally not chat with in school, all we say is hello, good morning, can I please join your group for so so so and so course or something?, cuz he's a bit of a ruffian in school and I no want wahala for myself, so chatting with him was a tad bit weird. Eventually, we had this usual moment when one person heaves a sigh and the other responds with another sigh and then someone changes the subject with a stupid or irrelevant question, his was, 'Ah! did you come to the market???' no o ode, I'm just inspecting Governor Fashola's work in progress around Lagos' 'eem, yes, I just came to buy food stuff' I reply, faking a smile. 'So, do you want to grind pepper???' for a second I thought of lying and running the hell out of there, t'was getting really weird . 'yes, thank you', he grinds my pepper and tries to refuse my money, of course he hadn't seen what I was offering him, then he looks at my hand and he's like, 'Ah! I don't have that kind of change o', 'Don't be silly, you you think I'm offering you these two notes because you blended this tiny pepper for me? Take jare just to hold body and soul together, don't cause a scene here' he grabs the notes, grining from ear to ear, 'thank you o Woomie, thank you very much, Ah! God bless you! May God replenish your pockeks, May God she kini kan she kini kan...' so much for avoiding a scene 'Ok o eerrm eerm, shey your name is Emmanuel??', 'No, it's Emeka, thank you o! thank you!' o ga o, there goes my gain, and then some. But it did feel good to see the guy smile so hard, how can someone sit under that kinda sun and make roughly 16o naira everyday (on a good day, according to him) only to go to school and buy thousands of naira worth of unnecessary handouts and texbooks in order to avoid carry-overs??? What a life!

I just realised that, for me, being so broke ain't really that bad, I don't have to pay my bills or buy my own books all the time, I have my dad, cousins and aunties, and they're always touched by my fine-bara, you see, I always try to rotate it so that one single person doesn't feel like my own is too much. The trick really works. I'm blessed. And I will feel even more fufilled if and when I get a job in the next few weeks.


My water-leaf soup turned out soooo so well, I'm sucha great cook o guys! Not like I'm bragging or something, I'm just saying.






Shout out to Poeticallytinted, that's one blogger that really helped with my last post! You really rock!!! Thank you all (except NaughtyEyes, don't let me catch you o). All the advice has really really helped, I'm working on it. Be good and abound y'all.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

CRYING OUT LOUD: I need some form of employment.

I did this post a while ago and got not positive answers, so out of desperation, I'm doing it again...you blggers better not make mad fun of me this time around, it's really not funny anymore.


Why aren’t there any jobs in Lagos (Nigeria???) for jobless students like me? Or haven’t I searched all the right places?
There’s so much I can do without a degree! Hell! There isn’t much I can do with one.
Anyways, what I’m driving at is this: I NEED A JOB! Nigeria, is that too much to ask? I cannot stand the thought of doing absofrickinlutely NOTHING everyday in the next few weeks. Damn! If I’m going to spend it reading for one exam of or attending some silly lectures, I’ve had enough! I do that all year round, it doesn’t enrich my pockets in ANY way. Boy, I have needs that ‘I’ want to take care of (starting with my schlock wardrobe that I need to upgrade, a new p.c, my fast-becoming-archaic book collection AND of course my now empty pen collection, BDW, I collect pens, … I just want to take care of myself by myself)
So, if you’re reading this and shaking your head and saying, ‘there’s no hope for me, I simply can not get a job without a degree’ Shame On You! Who made that the Basic Standard? It is people like you that make living in Nigeria difficult. All I want is a good-interesting-professional-fun job that beats watching E-News and soap re-runs all day.
If you have one in mind, holler at me. Oh! Wait a minute! I have to draw up a C.V right? Now that’s some shit cuz it’ll be soooo scanty-looking. But then, I can tell y’all here:
My name’s Woomie, I’m from West Nigeria, I’m under 21 but not a minor, 4th year, Accounting, LASU SPTS. I passed the ICAN ATS 1 exam in the last September diet, not a big deal BUT! It implies that I have a fair knowledge of Basic Accounting Processes and Systems, Business Law and Economics AND I have excellent communications skills. I am an ORACLE Certified Associate (10g, with 11i Financials in view); still afraid to take my OCP certification. I can sell ideas and do PR stuff BUT I can’t go around selling products and services, sorry. But! there's not a lot that I can't do, really.
I speak three languages very well, they include:
1. Good English;
2. Bad English; and
3. Yoruba* and if it counts, I understand little kids too.
I’m a size 16, bespectacled and probably taller than you or YOU (just in case u’re wondering) if any or all of these bother you, then don’t offer me a job.
If you won’t employ me for my skills (or lack of it), then trust your instincts, just go ahead and employ me, I need professional work experience (preferably as a junoir DBA), I am fun to work with and I’ll make the job a whole lot easier AND you can have me in the next few weeks (hey! Pervs, I mean TO WORK WITH, get those silly ideas out of your mind)…and you better not be paying peanuts! Please, I hate to wear shoes!!!! Don't make me dress "corporate"-whatever that means.



Feel free to leave you comments about what kind of jobs you’re offering, TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY…thank y’all.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Include me out of it!

I am appealing to Exschoolnerd and that Charizard of a blogger to N.O.T cast me as a razz/fat bitch or something silly in their crazy and hilarious Charizard and Exschoolnerd Show! I am the Executive Producer, but the both of them are too ungrateful to admit it. I've learned my lesson.lol.
If you guys can't cast me as a princess or a queen, just include me out of it!
I know I'm being dramatic, but those two don't like me, I know...they'll cast me as someone really really silly.

I love blogville.

I love everyone here.

Life here is great, fun, downright exciting. Nothing like my real life at the moment...sadly.

I think of how I woulda survived without y'all and I just can't imagine.

Anyways, for lack of better things to do, I visited my darling blogger friend's old blog at her Xanga page, and I'm loving her even more.

I found this Four Layers Survey and I just decided to do it for fun. So here goes:



10 LAYERS SURVEY

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Woomie
Birth date: July 4th.
Birth place: Juneau, Alaska...kidding, Lagos, Nigeria.
Current Location: lagos-Nigeria.
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: Both, I can write, sweep, type, cook and do everything with both hands. But my right is my favourite.


LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: African
What Shoes Did You Wear Today: my bathroom slippers, not going anywhere....and I hate shoes bdw.
Your weakness: I'll have to say fine guys.
Your fears: Premature death, rejection, embarrassment amongst other things.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your most overused phrase: ...eh hen!
Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it? I need to wake Michael!
Your best physical feature: my eyes, my legs.
Your bedtime: varies...
Your most missed memory: my days in boarding school.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
Single or group dates: single dates
Adidas or Nike: erm, not a fan of any one.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: not a fan of either one.
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuchino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: NO!
Cuss: yeah, everytime I'm broke, NEPA strikes, the kitchen is messed up Or someone touches my books.
Single: no.
Have a crush(es): Paddy Adenuga, Don Jazzy, T-Pain...and one blogger that I will fail to mention.
Do You Think you've been in love: yes, I've found IT.
Like(d) high school: Yeah, especially my three years in senior high.
Want to get married: Definitely maybe.
Believe in yourself: almost always.
Get motion sickness: yes...after a long while.
Think you're a health freak: Me ke? No o.
Get along with your parents: Not really, but I really adore my dad.
Like thunderstorms: like wetin??

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: Yes.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: Yes.
Eaten Sushi: For where?
Been dumped: Nope.
Gone skating: Yeah.
gone skinny-dipping: how na?
Dyed your hair: Yeah.


LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: he he! noo.
Gotten beaten up: yeah, my sis is a bully.
Changed who you were to fit in:Not at all.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married:I have no idea man, but really really soon.
Numbers of Children: 8 (I don't necessarily have to bear all 8 of them)
Describe your dream wedding: quiet, few guests (maybe 40 or less),definitely memorable
How do you want to die: haven't really thought about it yet.
What country would you most like to visit: Turks and Caicos Island...Musco, take note.

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best hair color?: black.
Short or long hair: depends on how he looks...
Height: I always thought t'was important but i found out I didn't care...as long as he isn't a dwarf.


LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people i can trust: trust with what? I can't really think of anyone.
Number of CD's I own: alot...but they're being gradually fapped.
Number of piercings: 2
Number of tattoos: none...plan to draw one pretty soon.
Number of times been on T.V.: 5
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: 2
Number of scars on my body: about 6, one major one on my belly.
Number of things in my past that I regret: so many...I think the most important one is playing the game of hide and seek as a little girl.




So that's it.
Anyone who's bored can partake in the survey, will be looking forward to some interesting answers.



By the way, Hannah Montana started school on Monday and she's sooo alive, as in really excited. She can't stop talking about it. Everybody in her class(Primary 4) speaks English so she told me (in youruba) that she's working hard on learning the language three times faster than normal so she can fit in.lol.
By the way, the girl came home from school yesterday and told me her teacher asked them to bring cutlasses today to clear the bush in the school compound! For what??!!!. The girl that cannot even handle broom and sweep very well.
I told her to tell her teacher that she has no need for cutlasses, and that she shouldn't make me come and visit her in that school.lol.
This is the orisirisi we will be seeing because we cannot afford to send her to Corona or Greenwood House.Shio.
I'm really pissed.

School is resuming soon!!! I already forgot that I'm still a student o! He he.

Be good and abound y'all.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Boys are from the stupid factory.

Abeg O! No be me talk am...Na Hannah Montanna.

Not that Miley Cyrus Hannah Montanna...THIS Hannah Montanna.



So, I've been away from blogville for a while... Y'all can see my reason above.
Hannah is the newest addition to our family and she has been one handful. Hannah is from some village close to mine...and it's her first time in Lagos!!!!
We're keeping her, cuz she really does like it here.
She is sooooooo cute...Her smile is wonderful...but she is a PEST!
I have had to go over a million things with her for the past two weeks...
The most important thing I've had to teach her is to be a village girl with an A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E... Hence the picture...and her many new feminine clothes.
Hello girl power!!! Bye Bye Alpha Males!!!
And she's loving it.
Anyways, it will take monthsss to tush this my sister up, but, eventually, it wil all be worth it o jare.
She keeps getting lost in our small apartment o...I think that's her major problem...and she came to Lagos with a very very bad cough but thank God for Benylin (with Codine...I know I know, she's a little girl, but it helped her sleep soundly).
She eats like a horse!
She can write but she can't read, my people, have you seen that kain thing????
She knows 2*8 but will take another 20 minutes to figure out 8*2, of which i've spent over 3 hours teaching her that it's the same thing, rice and beans is the same as beans and rice.
Her handwriting is pretty BUT all she can write is My name is hannah adigun...
Hannah is crazy about Television!!!! She has told me the story of the-four-televisions-in-her-village-and-how-none-of-them-are-functioning like a million times when I tell her it's time to sleep.
God is still working on Hannah...and so am I.


Now to another topic, I was at SBR!!!! And I had M.A.D.D fun!!!
I love all my blogger friends...
Esp you X'nerd and Charie , Fineboy Agbero and of course Princessa for putting the whole party together...by the way, Princessa has some fine brothers and one crazy sister (sorry, I just had to say that)!!!
Please don't miss the next Bloggers' Reunion!!!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

More of Lawunmi.





Got some more pictures of Lawunmi. Anyone interested in her artwork should contact me or visit her website.
Watch this space for information about her exhibitions.

Monday, September 1, 2008

olawunmi banjo.

I picked today to talk about my friend Lawunnmi.






Lawunmi is an artist, in my opinion, a very good one. I admire her, her 'saneness' and her talent. Her's is a long long story that I think I don't have any business sharing here in blogville. But no one I know could have gone through life Lawunmi's way and still find a way to put a charming smile on her face.She is strong;with will power and emotion, I pray to God for her kind of strength.

Lawunmi does some still life paintings that I think are mighty fine, here are some of them:











And my favourite one here is a picture of her godmother when she was a little child here:










Here is Brad Pitt:





Jada Pinkett:






Shania Twain:







Some of her abstract paintings are also real cool, I'll start with my favourite one here:


wait till you find out what it means.lol!

And then there's this one as well:






and some others:
















Olawunmi Banjo attended the Aina Onabolu modern Art school In Lagos Nigeria. She is currently a member of the African Artist Foundation (AAF http://www.africanartists.org/ ) where she is the premier Artist.

In her own words...

"My view of Art is the creative ability to define the beauty and existence of life, which words cannot explain. My main mentor (God) has been the intelligent designer and has inspired me to be creative in my own special way."

"Inspiration is the soul of real Art, and my inspiration revolves around Nature and Humans. It's very inspiring to watch nature and humans exhibiting beautiful and creative designs. My style is my attitude, which I represent in my art. The beauty of nature and beings has helped me to paint realistically."

"Realism helps me to appreciate the world, and most especially Gods work. Art helps us to understand, appreciate and interpret the essential elements of life. I have vast inspiration and I'm still developing. Imagination is not just the ability of man to form what his minds eye projects. Imagination should be reinforced by meanings and messages. My Imagination connects me to the world of surrealism. My Surreal works are messages to make people understand that there is more to this world than meets the eye."

"With help, inspiration and imagination, life can be more meaningful and handled pleasantly with soft hands. My moods are primarily dictated by African traditions and cultures. Bright colors in my paintings compliment my imagination. I am inspired to inspire people and make them appreciate the beauty of life through art. I love to see people express amazement at the unveiling of my work. I want to be remembered for the patience and passion that I give to deliver messages through my paintings."

Olawunmi Banjo


You can check out Lawunmi's website here


Her works are on exhibition and if you're an art person you might want to check them out if you missed the ones at Expo and Muson Centres a while ago (she almost missed these exhibitions bdw, because the lady in charge wouldn't put her on it for her lack of a degree or any kind of formal education, thank God for the power of persuasion. Lawunmi was the first person to sell a painting that day o!). Will post the dates soon so y'all in Lagos can go and check her stuff out.


If you are in America and are interested Lawunmi's are, contact her agent/marketer Carl Jackson here:
Bowling Green, OH 43402
ph: 419-807-8762
olbanportraits@olbanarts.com.




I'll continue my old Laiman gist later, I need serious help.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Let us learn to drink our own cups of tea.

Still pissed at Ndi Okereke and co. for their uncalled-for Obamamania, I found this note written by Tolu Ogunlesi on Facebook, it's really on piont. If any of you know Ndi or anyone that knows anyone that knows her, get her to read this, maybe she'll learn one or two important things from this note...especially how to take Panadol for her own headache and not Mubarak's...sorry I meant Barack.



THE AUDACITY OF CHOICE:
10 THINGS OKEREKE-ONYIUKE CAN DO WITH HER OBAMA MONEY by Tolu Ogunlesi


1. RELOCATE THE OBAMAS
Relocate Obama’s peasant family from Kenya to Lagos / Abuja / Calabar:

In the past Nigeria has had to endure the gross indignity of playing host to war criminals: Charles Taylor, Yormie Johnson, even Osama was said to have made Kano home at some point in the ‘90s. (Why do we always have to attract unsavory elements to our country?)


A while ago, CNN took its viewers to Kenya to see Obama’s peasant African family, complete with thatched huts and pregnant goats as backdrop. (Forget the fact that this would never have happened had Obama been Nigerian – we would have relocated the entire Obama clan, plus livestock to Asokoro or Banana Island the moment their son declared intention to run for President of the world).

This will finally be Nigeria's chance kill two birds with one stone: host a Hero’s family for once, as atonement for our traditional hospitality to fugitives, and two, revive our Big Brother role by taking the burden of caring for the Obama lineage from a less-endowed Kenya. (Country Social Responsibility?)


2. PROMO

"There is not one Nigerian who doesn't have a relative or friend in America. Our aim was to encourage those people to tell their family who have the right to vote in America to vote for Obama." – Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke, D.G, Nigerian Stock Exchange


Fund a Promo that will see Nigerians winning mouth-watering prizes from the telecom companies by calling their based-in-America relatives to instruct them to vote for Obama. AFRICANS FOR OBAMA “CALL & WIN” PROMO.


1st Prize: A return ticket to the Democratic Convention, a front-row seat at the Presidential Inauguration in January 2009 and a mention in the Acknowledgements Page of Obama’s next book.

PS. For those of you who think MTN’s best days (in terms of out-of-this-world profits) are behind them, wait until Nigerians start 'harassing' their relatives in the US.


3. BALLOT PAPERS
Donate Made-in-Nigeria ballot cards for use in the US Elections. The conceited Americans say they don’t need our money. But surely they can do with our (already thumb-printed) ballot papers. After all, if Mike Tyson voted for the PDP in Ondo State last year, why can’t Bash Ali vote for Obama come November?


4. BAIL MONEY


Set it aside to serve as Bail Money (for Aunt Ndi) in case she’s (re-)arrested by the EFCC. But then, Nigeria’s big men and women always get off lightly when it comes to bail money prescriptions. What this means is that there’ll be more than enough money to bail the entire Africans for Obama organization in case they’re arrested en masse, as well as to pay lawyers to secure a renewable eternal order restraining the EFCC, ICPC, SSS and Police from harassing her; and the Press from mentioning her name in any of their articles.


5. BOOK EAGLE SQUARE
Invite Obama to come and draw pop concert-sized crowds in Nigeria on October 1: He did it in Germany; he can do it again at the Eagle Square. He will preach a message of hope, and lay hands on our dear President Yar’Adua and all the 36 State Governors to transfer some of his anointing to them. Michelle will commission beauty parlors in all the 36 state capitals of Nigeria and launch the Turai range of affordable hair care products (under the auspices of the Beautiful Life for Rural Women pet project).


6. DONATE IT
Donate it to the Electoral Law Reform Commission and INEC: They’ll need it for sensitization workshops and seminars, and for trips to America to learn how Democracy works and how free-and-fair elections are conducted.


7. REALITY TV
Create a TV Reality Show:
The Next Obama! Sell forms @ 5,000 each. Contestants will be drawn from all over Africa. The show will be shot in Kenya, Nigeria and America. Contestants will be judged on charisma, speaking skills, spiritual affiliations, blackberry-savvy, fashion sense and fund-raising skills. You’ve heard of Pop Idols, this will be a show for Pol Idols.


8. ‘MOCK ELECTIONS’
On November 4, conduct Mock US Presidential Elections in the headquarters of all 774 Local Governments of Nigeria: Obama vs. McCain: Nigeria Decides! Then annul the results without releasing them (it might be illegal to announce them, that’s why).


9. BOOK PROJECT
Use it to Publish the potential bestseller “HOW TO RAISE FUNDS FOR PROJECTS THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS: Tips from the Obasanjo and Obamafrica Projects.” [Alternative title: “HOW TO RAISE LEGAL FUNDS FOR ILLEGAL PROJECTS: The story of an Amazon’s Midas Touch”]


10. ENDOWMENT
Set up the Lamidi Adedibu Institute for Studies in Electoral Integrity The biggest tribute to the name of the Garrison Commander will be to institute a foundation in his name. If there’s money leftover, a Leadership Prize might not be a bad idea: The Ariyibi Mugabe Prize for Amiability, Elongated Leadership and Political Sagacity.

There’s one last Choice (apologies, my 10 things always manage to become 11….)


11. RECRUIT
Hire one or two (more) chartered accountants, to speed up the counting of the money (Aunt Ndi claimed in an interview days ago that the ‘Africans for Obama’ accountant had not finished counting the money). Hire more bloody accountants I say!


Epilogue: It just occurred to me that it’d be a good idea for Dr. Mrs. Okereke-Onyiuke to take ‘Africans for Obama’ public. Offer for Sale, one billion shares of Africans for Obama Nig. Ltd, at a price of X dollars per share. If it worked for Transcorp, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work for Africans4ObamaCorp.


Tolu Ogunlesi (c) August 2008


Before I forget! Y'all should go and sheck out my second blog here, i'm teaming up with Xavier NE on this. If you like the theme and you think you can contribute, you can join us, we could use more team members. Enjoy.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

A fool at my age is what???

Khama kissed me in the spring,
Laiman in the fall,
But Michael only looked at me
And never kissed at all.

Khama's kiss was lost in jest,
Laiman's lost in play,
But the kiss in Michael's eyes
Haunts me night and day.



Adapted from Sara Teasdale's(1884-1933)
The look.



I shouldn't let him hold my hand, even if I can't cross the NNPC road alone.
I souldn't let him hug me goodnight, even if it helps me sleep better.
I shouldn't let him kiss me, even if I say to myself that we're just fooling around.
I shouldn't let him...
darn! what am I going to do???

I'm in love with the love of my life...
I shouldn't let him confuse me.
We've been friends since forever, I can't just walk away!

What do I do now?
my best friend wants to ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me...


I love him...
but what I feel for my sweetness cannot be compared to our silly friendship...
I should stay away from him
but he's everywhere!
darn! what am I going to do???

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Na wa o!

What if I tell you i was expecting the wrong person at my house this morning???!!!
And I didn't know until she appeared o!
I met my old friends Sandra C and Sandra O on that cursed Facebook of a site last month...I searched for them for the fun of it and Baaam! there they were in black,white and different colors. So I went through the normal Add as a Friend routine and we got talking.
Me being the clumsy person that I am, saved Sandra O's number as Sandra C's and we've spoken like four or five times over the phone, all the while I thought I'd been speaking to Sandra C... the first time she called I was like, 'Sandra! you sound sooo different! your voice is now husky-ish' and she just laughed.

So, me with my mumurity was awaiting the Return of Sandra C live in my estate today.

Kon kon koin!!!
knock on my door...
It's Sandra O!!!
and her cousin!!!
who is incidentally schooling @ NIIT where I go too!

First thing I said was , 'I wasn't expecting you!' and she was so shocked, her cousin was like 'Oh o!'...but I covered it up with a good laugh and we had fun!

SECRET: i'm really glad t'was Sandra O that appeared @ my door this morning and not Sandra C...I like Sandra O more...if I knew earlier what Sandra I was really expecting, I wouldn't have been sooo nervous! Sandra O is really coool!


I got a call this evening from my darling friend Laiman asking me to ,'come downstairs, come downstairs!!' This guy is not supposed to be ANYWHERE around o! Boy! was I glad to see him! Nobody understands me like Laiman, the same goes for him and I hate it when he suprises me with his visits but t'wasn't really a suprise...Jack is coming home tonight!!!!
Apparently, he's not here yet....Laiman n co are picking him up @ 8!!!

By the way!!!Bloggers, I need your prayers...and fast if you can...
May I find favour in the sight of God and In the sight of men as well.
Amen.

Someone too the rat out this morning before Sandra came!!!!!
Bless his or her soul.
Not that Sandra O would have minded sha!
Lol!

Knowledge is power if you know it about the right person.

My very very old friend is coming over today.

Things get kinda awkward for me on these sorta visits.

We haven't seen in four years, things have changed in the past four years...I have changed in the past four years.

Sandy and I used to be like 5 and 6 in our school days...she's a very lively person, I hope upon hope that we'll have a lot to talk about...I hope upon hope that she hasn't changed o!

I have a strong phobia for uncomfortable silence.

And my house is in a mess...I should be cleaning up instead of putting up this post.

ALERT! there's a dead rat under my staircase, I even think it's something bigger than a rat...maybe it's a cat or a cow, the stench is unbearable...and unwelcoming...oh! Sandy!!!

I hope my neighbours find it in their hearts to take it out from under there...it's embarrassing.


And my friend Jack is back in Naija...this one I haven't seen in forever...please don't come visiting today o Jack!!!!

One negative first impression about my hygiene is enough for one day...what am i saying??? it's enough for one lifetime.

Will tell y'all how it goes...pray for me.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I’m a lone traveler on a bleak landscape
---Wole Oguntokun.



So, I’ve been busy with this and that, here and there. Sweetness wants me to come visit soon so I’m applying for a visa this week…y’all should pray for me o.
I’ve had a real stressful week…and to crown it all up, I’ve been getting strange annoying phone calls and text messages from some stupid geeks.
It started with this one phone call
Me: yeah?
Focker: hello? Hello?? I’m waiting for you.
Me: who’s this?
Focker: A.Y. I’m at the café I’m waiting for you, bring it, bring it now.
Me: what café?? You have the wro….
Beep.
Stupid Focker.
Phone rings again. This time, I succeed in telling him he has the wrong number and he apologises. Okay.

A few minutes later I get this text from the same number:

hello,i'm vry sorry,

it was a mistake,

pls am i 4givn?

i'm Ayo, may o be a friend

& ur name pls?

hunn! oshi. I know this thing o! i completely ignore this guy. Then different numbers start flashing my lines. They flashed so hard, i had to switch off my phones for a while. I don't make it a duty to call anonymous flashers...this thingy went on for two days non-stop, I guess I'm on a break now, but if the flashers start again, I'll publish the numbers and all of you guys can help me give them a taste of their own medicine, please.


Yesterday was a good day, I hooked up with my bestest friend Keenat and we had a swell time. First we went to Terra Kulture for Laspapi's Things Fall Apart. If you live in Lagos or are in Lagos, and you haven't seen it this month, don't miss it please, it's wonderful.
By the way, me and Keenat couldn't keep our mouths shut and there was this lady sitting in front with her boo and she kept staring back at us like we were frigging lesbos or something, we found it really really hilarious and we didn't stop whispering and giggling and holding hands, the girl almost peed in her pants. After the show, I joked about going to ask for her number and inviting her to our secret wedding in December but Keenat decided against it...but we did have time to watch the show and it was wonderful...okay, i already said that...Laspapi hasn't paid me a dime...lol.
Then we went to the beach (which isn't really a beach anymore sef) and just chilled out...it looks really nice now, thanks to Lagos state govt. and Oceanic Bank.





I didn't ride no horses...that's Keenat in the pic doing her thing.
We left a while later to go get some decent food... you don't really get that on the Island on sundays.

Well now, it's back to my normal life...


and the flashers have started again...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hakuna Matata my ass!



I keep thinking, if Skye Bank doesn't spend less on advertising and start doing something about their services (esp the internet connection) pretty soon, there will be worries...

Me, i don't like their Money System Cash Transfer thingy at all at all...and I've warned sweetness to never use it again.

At first, when I got to the bank, almost a million security people were like, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame'...ehh o! thank you sirs...welcoming me with guns and batons and that thingy for eletric shock or something.
My first thought was, 'is this the Banker's Bank???'...abi how much money could these people possibly be protecting??? o ga o.

Then that their stupid security door refused to open for like 5 minutes... me that needed money for emergency reasons!!!

Finally, I get into the hall in one piece and there are another two million people saying, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame'...is this the new scope??? Shio...I notice the crowd, so I run to a less busy table and politely ask for MSCF form to fill, the lady hands me Western Union form and I'm like MSCF o jare! but she says, 'go upstairs to the Western Union office, he will attend to you'
Okay o!
I climb the stairs and there's almost three million people there greeting, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame'... I spot the Western Union guy and he is all smiles (I think they just reviewed their Salary Scheme at Skye Bank), then I ask, 'How do I fill in MSCF details in this Western Union form???' and he smiles and says,'sorry madame, you don't. Just go downstairs and ask the man in uniform for FleetCash form, sorry'.
Okay now.

I finally fill the stupid form, still thinking of my emergency o!

I give the form to the guy at the counter, expecting it to take only a minute (just like it does when I use Webfast at Oceanic), 'your ID please' I give him my passport and expect him to hand over my 19,000 naira in a few seconds BUT the guy starts attending to other customers, like he knew my transaction was going to take forever!
I didn't talk o! I counted 11 customers that he attended to before he said to me,'why don't you take your seat madame, I'll call you.
'okay, no problem'...still thinking of my emergency.

I sit for about 15 minutes then a lady walks up to me and says, 'welcome to Skye Bank, may I help you?'....what rubbishhhhh!!!, *smiling*, i simply say, 'no don't worry, somebody is already helping me'.

Five minutes later, another floor manager walks up to me and is like, 'hello, welcome to Skye Bank, how may I help you???'Jesus!...*smiling* i say,'my instrument is at the counter, don't worry'.
Okay.

Then the guy finally calls me after another ten minutes, 'what's the Password please??' Meeehhnnnn! 'Sweetness', I manage to say and he tells me to go and have my seat. I sigh, still thinking of my emergency.

Another floor manager stands beside me for a minute and then says, 'are you waiting for somebody madam???' I completely ignore him.

Finally, I get my 19,000 amd my passport one hour 13 minutes after getting into the bank. Thankfully, I run off to take care of my emergency...

I get to the security door, only to discover that one pregnant woman who had been running around the banking hall trying to clear her cheque had been trapped in the door, she was mighty scared. It took the whole of 2 minutes to sort it out, as soon as the guards did, she came out in tears.

I warned the security guards to leave the door open and let me jejely get out, I did, in a split second.

'thank you for chosing Skye Bank' they all muttered, some of them hailing, 'big sister! fine sister, honourable sister!!'... Me!!! give you out of my 19,000???!!! lai lai.
Eyin alabosi!

I rush out and hail a bike as fast as I can to quickly take care of my emergency.

...Then I get to the boutique and ask for the bag I saw yesterday and the lady says, 'we just sold it ten minutes ago!!!'

Hakuna mafriggingtata!!!

i'm hating Skye Bank at the moment.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Take a bow.




I fell in love with this hair...
But I thought it was the only one o...
so I went ahead and spent good money fixing this thing.





My friend OB who first saw it was like, 'ah!!! Woomie Puh-leeeease *doing that thing with the index finger and twisting his neck* who inspired this hairstyle??? take a bow???' I just laughed and told him to shut up...

Then Rex...

And Keenat...

And everybody on the street!!!!

There's not a fixing going around in Lasgidi that is not Take a Bow...

I'm so mad that everybody is copying me and Rihanna...

But I luuuuuurrrrrhhhvvvveee the hair!!!! it's the second time I fixed imy hair in my whole life and i'm absolutely loving this one...
good value for my hard earned (not personally) money.

If you're thinking of taking a bow, please make sure it's nice and fine (it almost always is), or else just forget it and don't embarrass me joo.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Who the hell is ZAIN???

Ok, so i woke up this morning to wish my all my peeps a happy new month and bam! I can't find Vmobile on my screen...it's been replaced with ZAIN NGN@ ...oookkk, so I check around my room to find out if I'm still in Naija (or if my wishes had come true and I'd been teleported to UK without all the Visa stress and long journey), luckily (or unluckily), I was still in the same bed I'd fallen asleep in last night...definitely not roaming.
This Vmobile-turned-Zain people are the most inconsistent TSP in Nigeria, first ECONET, then Vodacom then VMobile and now Zain???
They'd better not stop my 15 free texts every month or I will be less motivated to send my new month's texts to the thirty usual recipients at a subsidized rate.lol.
Oh well! on second thought, who cares??...I just hope their network doesn't go in-zain.
Happy New Month to y'all out there, by the way...
May we all blossom and flourish on this month of August.
Amen.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A naira ain't worth a kobo anymore.

I feel great...and I kiss even better.
-Emo Phillips.

I haven't had the best of weeks...but I got kissed like three times (still wondering what came over me o!)...that's a big deal, if you've been a good kisser and then gone on leave for like 18 months.
I kiss and tell, so what??? lol!
I've been fooling around with this crazy old friend of mine...he thinks it's the other way around but then...it doesn't matter who's fooling who, as long as there's a fooling somewhere between us then it's just great.
Spare me the sermon, I haven't had a good kiss since eternity...

it doesn't count as cheating, does it???

Now, to my title. I spent close to 2,000 naira flying okadas around Lagos looking for a Fax machine...and it was raining elephants and lions (...by the way, what does it take to own and connect a fax machine???...) I was tired and dirty after the whole gross ordeal. Someone even directed me to the Post Offices, it was when I got to the second post office that I knew that the silly jerk didn't even know what a fax is.
After going from one end to the other, clothes wet with rain, feet covered in mud, i gave up hope and took the last bike home, guess what? I found one bill board near my bus stop that went somewhat like this.

TDA VENTURES.

Typesetting.

Photocopying

Laminating.

Binding.

Internet Calls.

Fax Services.

I almost fell off the bike. Hell's on earth! You sure pay for your sins here...all that kissing and fooling around, I paid for it. Never cheat on your boo...-with the littlest kiss...-especially if you haven't made it clear to Party 2 that you're just fooling around. Lol! me and my superstitions. Anyways, I got to the shop, did my do which took like 10 minutes and another 1,000 naira and went home.

BTW, did I mention that since I was at Mushin during the Ultimate Search, I'd chosen to do some 'grocery' (I always like to use that word, dunno y) shopping and give my people a fried rice treat...it cost me a arm and a leg, the way things are these days eh! I almost changed my mind and prepared Fried-Garri (will give y'all the recipie for that one later)but a new bag-of-rice-suprise from my dad helped.

I was jejely cooking this wonderful meal, not minding how tired I was from the day's punishment when my mother came home and threw a tantrum about how live chicken is better than the frozen one that I bought...I was so mad, I had the right to remain silent so I should have shut up, but I didn't, we had this heated argument that resulted into a ...whatever it was. I'm not speaking to her sha...maybe it will take a week (if she doesn't jejely stretch the olive branch towards me)...although, I know she took this fight thing seriously because she boycotted my fried rice (ME! My own fried rice!!! My Own Fried Rice that happens like one a month and doesn't turn out as well as it did yesterday once in a while) and ate Sardines with that dry coconut bread from KJ, I felt really sorry for her. I'm still angry with her sha. I read my horoscope for today and found this:

July 30, 2008 - Do not underestimate the feelings of sickness that are due to overwork or cardio-vasculary disorders. Don't harbor ill feelings toward certain members of your family who could have hurt you recently. Beware of your brimming imagination and your exacerbated sensibility which might impede your objectiveness. You may not be able to finish the work that was demanded from you: try to justify yourself, don't feel or appear guilty. If money befalls you, don't spend it now: it'd be much better to invest it somewhereHow do these people know these things???

1.I want to talk to her...but I'm not goina beg her sha o.

2.I feel sick today because I HAVE been overworking myself lately (But the AB King Pro has nothing to do with it).

3.Me and this my imagination!

4.Nobody asked any work of me so I don't think I need to finish anything...except of course!!! My tellers!!! Gawd!

5.Money did befall me today! Courtesy of my cousin Mr. Grubs Suya, it wasn't much, but I've invested it somewhere in my wallet anyways! lol!

I've been spending too much time on the internet.EVIDENCE: I was on the phone this morning with my sister-friend and we were cracking jokes but instead of laughing originally, we were both screaming LOL! LOL! LOL! so I was like, 'can't we laugh the real laugh? LOL' my case is pathetic.

PS: where do you go to get anorexia???


Saturday, July 26, 2008

See me see trouble o!

This woman (abi na man???) tried hard, but she will not succeed in putting me in a really tight corner.
God, thank you for the wonderful discerning spirit You have blessed me with...although any humble idiot could've read between the lines here;


From Mrs Rebecca WilliamsN�[38 Rue Des Martyrs Cocody Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire

ATTN:
DEAREST ONE OF GOD
I am the above named person from Kuwait . I am married to Mr Benson Williams, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2. 5 Million (Two Million Five Hundred U.S. Dollars) in the bank here in Abidjan in suspense account. Presently, the fund is still with the bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don抰 have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don抰 want my husband抯 efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don抰 want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don抰 need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband抯 relatives is around me always I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank here in Abidjan . I want you and the church to always pray for me because the Lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Contact me on the above e-mail address for more information抯, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your
reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Rebecca Williams.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my reply???

here:

go ahead and die of cancer you asshole!
Why don't you give the doctor your phony 2.5 million dollars or better still give a fucking begger on the street since you're so fucking crazy about charity.
you be Nigerian abi???
you should be ashamed of yourself.
THIEF!!!

dearest one of God.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Painters and Writers.
























































"Suppose you have been invited to a private view of a painting wherein the artist has chosen to join to a human head the neck of a horse, and gone on to collect some odds and ends of arms and legs and plaster the surface with feathers of differing colors, so that what began as a lovely woman at the top tapered off into a slimy, discolored fish – could you keep from laughing my friends?
Believe me dear, paintings like these look a lot like the book of a writer whose weird conceptions are just like a sick man’s dreams, so that neither the head nor the foot can be made to apply to a single uniform shape. “But painters and poets have always been equally free to try anything”. We writers know and insist that such a license be ours and in turn extend it to others but not to the extent of mating the wild with mild, so that snakes be paired with birds and lions with lambs."







When i read this letter written by Horace, it seemed to me, almost immediately that he had read Ben Okri's story of AZARO, the spirit child...but Hor wrote these letters B.C., he probably knew Ben Okri was going to write these two books.

I 'struggled' to read this books and make meaning of the story. I am a die hard fan of Nigerian writers, when I found the first part, i was impressed that he'd won the Booker Prize in 1991, so i just grabbed it and then the lady at the shop told me there's a sequel, so i bought the two.
I tried and tried to finish the first part, i gathered strength upon strength to turn it page by page. i kept saying to myself, 'i should be able to read and enjoy these books, is something wrong with me? he won the booker prize afterall', even my sister who doesn't ever read novels unless it's hyped picked the first one, finished it and then picked the sequel BUT decided she'd had enough when she got half way.

Maybe it's just me, maybe nothing is wrong with the book...i just didn't like it, i'm talking about The Famished Road cuz i wasn't even interested in the sequel.

I will keep on struggling to finish these books, it's the hardest book i've had to read.
Meen!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

From her lips to God's ears.

'God I love you, and I know you love me too. Thank you for the food I eat, it may not be much, but I don't really go hungry. Thank you for the clothes I have, they may not be beautiful like the other kids' in the neighbourhood, but I don't have to go naked. Thank you God for Mama Ologi, she may not be the best guardian, but at least she treats me like a human being. Thank you for my school, it may not be private and orderly, but at least I learn the little I can. Thank youGod for the life I have now, I remebmber it was worse but you came and saved me. God, I know I may seem ungrateful if I ask any more of you but life has been hard without school. I know you know. And I know you make everything happen for a reason, please God, make them call off the teachers' strike, I need to go back to school, I miss everything, I miss everyone, you know there's the only place where I feel like I really matter, that I'm really someone, the other kids won't play with me at home, they are all 'private' and snobbish. Please God, don't let mama kill me with work before school resumes. Thank you God for my answered prayers, please give me the strength to go through each day. Amen.'

-Bose


















This is Bose. She is nine years old. Bose is my neighbour's 'child'...after all, she calls her 'omo mi', although I can tell that they do not share the slightest consanguinity. Mama Ologi is a sixty -something year old woman (or 'timer' as Rex calls them aged people), she suffers arthritis and she lives on the second floor, so she is pretty useless...but Mama Ologi isn't useless or contented enough to just be idle and let her numerous children take care of her...she dabbles into different business but the main three are selling pap (as her name implies), distributing crates of eggs, and selling firewood.

Don't wonder how Mama Ologi manages. She has nine year old Bose.

Bose is Mama's eyes, ears, mouth, hands and most importantly, legs. Suffice it to say that, once in a while, Mama uses her own mouth and hands to rain curses on Bose and beat her mercilessly when Bose accidentally behaves like the child that she really is.

Bose gets up at 5:30am, she delivers crates and crates of eggs to the six corners of the estate and in between, she makes stops at the differnt blocks to the pap retailers. She comes back home around 7:30 am and gets ready for school, although she has been on an indefinite holiday for a while now following the on-going teachers' strike. Perhaps if the federal government knew how the strike is affecting Bose, they'd meet NUT's demand and call it off immediately. I won't go into the things that Bose does with the time she'ld rather spend at school. On a normal day, Bose closes around 10pm.

Bose is my estate's most prominent nomad. She covers distances in a day that I as an adult wouldn't dare to in a full week. Bose seldom walks alone, she usually has company, sometimes, it's about ten crates of eggs, at other times, it's a mighty bundle of firewood, or when it's a good time, it's a 50ltr bowl of corn balanced on her tiny head. Bose is never allowed to stop, just to catch her breath.

Still, Bose is the happiest child I've ever met. I cannot begin to explain the ways this little girl's life had touched mine. When I look at her, and the permanent smile that adorns her beautiful face, I see a child who, though still a child, has seen life. I wonder where Bose comes from, she is at peace with this excuse for a life that she lives, maybe she is from hell??? I think of the childhood I had and the things I took for granted.

Bose hasn't watched television since she came to Lagos about two years ago (the only things electically power-able in Mama's flat are light bulbs, ceiling fans and a boiling ring...ironically, her PHCN bill reads 123, 935.65 naira), and i can tell that there are no televisions where she comes from. When Bose gets a 5naira buscuit treat from Mama Ologi, she must have made a fortune that day.

Bose's smile is a facade...a big lie. Definitely, Bose is not happy, she might have been worse but she is well aware that she can be happier. Yet she smiles...I am not fooled, although there is a strong temptation here to not see the forest because of the trees.

I got talking with Bose yesterday evening, first I convinced her (as always) to cut out her crappy charm and really talk to me, this time, I succeded. Bose is a very depressed child. She says - put in my words - that she feels she is not living at all. Like she's standing still. Not a day goes by that she doesn't think about her family she left behind or rather, a family that sold her to her current life because the former was worse. She feels extremely inferior around the other middle-class kids. I know Bose doesn't want to be superior, she just wants to feel that she can be as good as and acomplish as much as anyone else. I think those are her major troubles...she has enough to last her a lifetime (i'd rather not go into some of them here).

Bose's life demonstrates the many pernicious effects of rejection upon a growing child. Maybe it isn't full-blown yet, but it is incipient. Basically, there are unsatisfied cravings for attention and affection. Unfortunately, these cravings are coupled with an inability to realte emotionally to any person who could be in a position to satisfy her. It is not only distrust and resentment that stand in her way, she simply hasn't learnt how. She has a constant fear of abandonment and rejection, 'what if Mama makes good her promise of sending me back to the gutter where she picked me from???'...although, it's not as if she is not in another gutter -maybe a better one- but a gutter all the same.

Bose was born with the capacity for relatedness, like any other normal child, but it never got any encouragement to grow. The picture is an outer expression of decietful happiness and an inner desolation that is appaling. She has the Mark Of Oppression.



For Bose, I have the gift-love, one that needs to give; therefore needs to be needed. But still, I know that the proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where she no longer needs my gift. We feed children in order that they may soon be able to feed themselves; we teach them that they may soon not need out teaching. That's the problem: what can I do for Bose??? already, i try the things I can in my own power, not seeming like I'm seeking adoption or anything, my gift-love must work towards it's own abdication. I haven't found a way to make myself superfluous. I fear for her, that, love having become a god, becomes a demon.










Thursday, July 10, 2008

His people are coming!

His people are coming!

His people are coming?!
I am happy. I am sad. I am nervous. I am going crazy with worry. Oh God!


I haven’t ever been a fan of LDRs (Long Distance Relationships), in fact, I tend to discourage them (without sharing this opinion).

It wasn’t until five months ago that I realized that I was actually in one; I have been in one for seventeen months now. Funny how it never dawned on me until then. For the sake of them teasers, I refer to my sweetness as ‘sweetness’. We met (officially) twenty years…sorry months ago, we’ve been dating for seventeen months and then things kinda got really serious and we’ve been engaged since March, that’s five months now.






At first, I called it an LDR right from the beginning because we (I) resolved to abstain, keep our distance as far as urges were concerned, Long Distance sexual Relationship ( I learnt from my first relationship that sex messes up everything if you haven’t discovered what your true feelings are), this was a problem at first but love prevailed OR maybe our relationship was saved by my sweetness’ decision to go back to the UK to further his education (he’s a medical doctor) , make some real money and the rest. (????)




I didn't think this was a big deal at first; not with the mobile phones + the many wonders of www. There was so much of our not-so-distant-afterall-relationship that I realized I had taken for granted when my sweetness and I had it. In Harriet Beecher’s words, I am one of those unfortunately constituted fellows in whose eyes whatever what is lost and gone assumes a value which it never had in possession. Whatever I had, I seemed to survey only to pick faults; but since it’s been fairly away, there’s been no end to my valuation of it. I must confess, most times, I find myself wishing I hadn’t insisted on an LDR before the LDR.

Somehow, days have turned into weeks, weeks to months, and now it’s been almost two years now, still it feels like yesterday. It almost always feels like yesterday. My sister Lala (23) says it’s because I’m 19 years old that I can afford to not be time conscious, she is a firm believer in back-up and insurance, by this she means ‘not dating exclusively’, but that doesn’t work for me, I’m way too plain for that…there’s no way I can be in love with more than one person at a time...messsy, one day bushmeat go catch the hunter.



Last week, my sweetness and I were talking (my brother, the mathematician said one time that I spend roughly 20% of my day on the phone and over half of my allowance on calls and communications) and he was like, '...my people and I are coming...' 'blah blah blah' I wasn't listening.

'your people are coming with you???'

your people are coming?

his people are coming??

This guy is not joking o!

I'd never really thought about this for a second before now...
I'm not sure.

I'm soo not sure.

I'm craaazzzyyy about my sweetness and what we have together.

I'm happy.

I keep telling myself, 'i'm happy'

'i'm happy' again and again, just to be sure that I really am.

At the moment, I don't know what to do...

With school and three major exams and all, this should be the least of my worries, but it sure isn't.

I'm happy, but i keep asking myself, 'what if i can be happier?'

What if i just think i'm happy???
What if it's just someting i want to believe??

What if I can be happier???

What if?

Monday, July 7, 2008

Phew! it's finally over.

So, I'm officially 19 years old...feels like a huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I don't know if it's just me but I feel like everyone expects too much from 18 year olds.
So 4th of July was a wonderful wonderful day. I felt the love from the four corners of the earth.
Thank you God for your mercies. So, I was a big mistake in the begining, but look how I've blossomed and flourished!

I conveniently forgot to take pictures of my birthday cakes in the frenzy, but believe me y'all, cakes have never been so beautiful.
I have like one million people to thank but I'll try with the few I can remember for now.
Thank you God, nothing I can give you will be commensurate to the love you've shown me.
Thank you mum, thank you dad, for how can I be without you two???

To my sis, Lala, life'ld be impossible without you, thank you for the delicious dishes, here's the only place I can agree that you make better Fried rice than me. I love you.

To my one and only brother Gaby, I's more than flattered that you remembered, it's the best gift I received this year.

Jack Omezi, La Familia, I guess you're the most important of the three afterall.

Ezi Nwankwo, I love you so much girl. W'are five hours ahead this time of the year, lol...but t'was mighty thoughtful of you.
Angel and Koko Nwankwo, Harriet Abihkui, Emmanuella Ejimamu, Ibilate and Tamuno Awatt, Jenny Okafor, Mosunmade Solanke, e.t.c thank you girls.

Tundun Salami, I liked your idea of being the last to wish me a happy birthday, I can never forget you.
Toyin Hunter, your cake was wonderful, how can I tell you that I don't know your birthday???
Rabila and Baba, I can't imagine celebrating my birthday without you there to sample the meals.
Ugo pumping, very thoughtful of you, still, I can't date you.
Keenat, your piece of the cake's intact, come get it when you're around this part of the world.
Jenjelow, words can't express how much I apprecaite you, you still are the best cousin in the my world.

Many thanks go to Victor Ganzllo, Atilola Adeyemi, Soba and Sotonye Jonah for your prayers.


I almost forgot to mention that my darling baby and I share birthdays, she's the most adorable thing that's ever lived. She's officially five years old!!!! I hope I can post pictures soon.


To all the people I accidentally left out, thank you tons, I didn't forget you because you're not important, of course you all are, there's been a permanent smile on my lips since Friday.

I love y'all back.