Friday, August 8, 2008

Hakuna Matata my ass!

I keep thinking, if Skye Bank doesn't spend less on advertising and start doing something about their services (esp the internet connection) pretty soon, there will be worries...

Me, i don't like their Money System Cash Transfer thingy at all at all...and I've warned sweetness to never use it again.

At first, when I got to the bank, almost a million security people were like, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame'...ehh o! thank you sirs...welcoming me with guns and batons and that thingy for eletric shock or something.
My first thought was, 'is this the Banker's Bank???'...abi how much money could these people possibly be protecting??? o ga o.

Then that their stupid security door refused to open for like 5 minutes... me that needed money for emergency reasons!!!

Finally, I get into the hall in one piece and there are another two million people saying, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame' this the new scope??? Shio...I notice the crowd, so I run to a less busy table and politely ask for MSCF form to fill, the lady hands me Western Union form and I'm like MSCF o jare! but she says, 'go upstairs to the Western Union office, he will attend to you'
Okay o!
I climb the stairs and there's almost three million people there greeting, 'welcome to Skye Bank madame'... I spot the Western Union guy and he is all smiles (I think they just reviewed their Salary Scheme at Skye Bank), then I ask, 'How do I fill in MSCF details in this Western Union form???' and he smiles and says,'sorry madame, you don't. Just go downstairs and ask the man in uniform for FleetCash form, sorry'.
Okay now.

I finally fill the stupid form, still thinking of my emergency o!

I give the form to the guy at the counter, expecting it to take only a minute (just like it does when I use Webfast at Oceanic), 'your ID please' I give him my passport and expect him to hand over my 19,000 naira in a few seconds BUT the guy starts attending to other customers, like he knew my transaction was going to take forever!
I didn't talk o! I counted 11 customers that he attended to before he said to me,'why don't you take your seat madame, I'll call you.
'okay, no problem'...still thinking of my emergency.

I sit for about 15 minutes then a lady walks up to me and says, 'welcome to Skye Bank, may I help you?'....what rubbishhhhh!!!, *smiling*, i simply say, 'no don't worry, somebody is already helping me'.

Five minutes later, another floor manager walks up to me and is like, 'hello, welcome to Skye Bank, how may I help you???'Jesus!...*smiling* i say,'my instrument is at the counter, don't worry'.

Then the guy finally calls me after another ten minutes, 'what's the Password please??' Meeehhnnnn! 'Sweetness', I manage to say and he tells me to go and have my seat. I sigh, still thinking of my emergency.

Another floor manager stands beside me for a minute and then says, 'are you waiting for somebody madam???' I completely ignore him.

Finally, I get my 19,000 amd my passport one hour 13 minutes after getting into the bank. Thankfully, I run off to take care of my emergency...

I get to the security door, only to discover that one pregnant woman who had been running around the banking hall trying to clear her cheque had been trapped in the door, she was mighty scared. It took the whole of 2 minutes to sort it out, as soon as the guards did, she came out in tears.

I warned the security guards to leave the door open and let me jejely get out, I did, in a split second.

'thank you for chosing Skye Bank' they all muttered, some of them hailing, 'big sister! fine sister, honourable sister!!'... Me!!! give you out of my 19,000???!!! lai lai.
Eyin alabosi!

I rush out and hail a bike as fast as I can to quickly take care of my emergency.

...Then I get to the boutique and ask for the bag I saw yesterday and the lady says, 'we just sold it ten minutes ago!!!'

Hakuna mafriggingtata!!!

i'm hating Skye Bank at the moment.


rayo said...

all these naija banks sha, na wa oh, closed my uba account when it took over a month to get a new

aloted said...

looks like i am going to win the title of first person on ur

that is so funny "welcome to skye bank madame" hehehehe..i am laffing my head off here...wat rubbish...

pele o kai...u were not able to take care of ur emergency...eyah! a better bag will come

Anonymous said...


Naughty Eyes said...

You, eh? You just won't kill me with u gist sef! Emergency, ke? LOL... So u see what I meant when I dissed their ads in my "Bits and Pieces" post? I suggest they change their slogan to "Akuna kuna" (I won't translate that - ask your favourite Ibo friend).
PS: So u used ur phone in the bank premises? That means u're a security risk! *whisper* Someone once told me that when the floor managers approach u so, they're not welcoming you at all! A guard was spying on u with their CCTV and trying 2 assess if u're a thief or something. Don't know how true that is sha.
PSS: I need pixes like this for the Phoneparazzi. Details later...

Woomie O! said...

@ Rayo: atm ke??? i no dey use am too much o! I haven't renewed in monthssss. I realised that I like to see my cash...more importantly, i luuurrrhhhvvveee to count it from time to time. Kini mo fe fi ike yen she???

@ Aloted: thanks! Rayo beat you to it...Please pray for my new bag to locate me, before I spend all my money on!

@ Anonymous: please join blogger, I'd like to see the real you. Thanks for stopping by.

@ NE: thank you o my broda, Akuna akuna! Lol! u're a bad boy. As for the floor managers, let them come and KMA. Eh hen! wetin be phonparazzi???

Naughty Eyes said...

@ Woomie: Hey! Missing your comments on MN nowadays. About Phoneparazzi, check my profile babe. You'll see it listed there. It's a new project I'm still setting up. A photoblog...

Standtall said...

B4 it was "in-zain" I picked from you now it's "Hakuna mafriggingtata". You wont kill me.

Sorry abt this o. I know that a lot of coy waste money or advert instead of letting their works speak for them

esquire said...

Talk about practicing what you preach! Those people are sick! End of story!

Lady Koko said...


Buttercup said...

lol soweeeeeeeeeeeeeee! that musta hurt like hell..