ISSUES

I have been putting off updating for yearssss, my thoughts have been a little bit misconstructed or is it unconstructed? (English scholars please help!) at the moment.

So, my babies have driven me to come here and wish them a belated Happy Children’s Day! Here's a special shout out to all my childrenssess, esp Ifeluta, Baby, Tl, Agape and Kanyi (so tell your mothers to get off my back!).

Okay, so what have I been up to? Work, work and more work.

Can you people please help me beg Baba Tayo, he’s the bus driver that takes me and my neighbours to work everyday. You see, I suspect this man works for the devil. I leave home at 5:30 and I don’t get to work till like 7:30! That’s like two hours on the road that just don’t make sense. Why? I’ll tell you why.
1. Baba Tayo stops every 15 minutes to pee and in some cases, poop. He’s a grown man, why can’t he hold these things?!
2. his main aim is to find every possible pot hole in the road and plunge into them, maybe someone has threatened to kill him if he doesn't do this.
3. when vehicles are going bumper to bumper, Baba Tayo searches for the slowest moving lane and joins such lane, if he doesn’t, then there’s a problem somewhere in his head, trust me.
4. he doesn’t remember to strap on his seatbelt until a LASTMA official is around the corner, one day, they held him for hours, I had to find my way to the office without him.
5. the worst one is, he sleeps while on duty. Risking my precious life like it doesn’t really matter.

I have been searching for alternatives, the only one I’ve come up with is buying a Range Rover, and since I can’t even afford even the tyres right now, I’m sticking with Baba Tayo. Remember us in your prayers.

On to another issue, if you didn’t know before, my mother is a primary school teacher. Yesterday, she shared this amazing gist of her Primary 6 students caught in the act. Can you believe it? It was raining and the stupid boy and his senseless girlfriend decided to go for a quickie in the toilet, unfortunately they were caught! The other students spoilt their show. Lol. Senseless and Stupid were sent to call their parents and Senseless denied it saying she was flying the red flag, unfortunately, one of the female teachers insisted on checking her down below, lo and behold! The only liquid soaking anything was her excitement juice! You know what I mean?



I really didn’t know what sex was till maybe after junior high, I never thought of doing it till after senior high…and even now, as old as I am, I still don’t treat my down-below with such arrant carelessness.
Times are changing. We can somehow link this case to the Global Economic Meltdown, now known as GEM. Since the kids can’t go to silverbird and do all the cool stuff that rich kids do, they explored –like the smart kids that they are-and they have found something more interesting than Disney World- s.e.x.!


Hannah is doing very well, thanks to those of you who have been asking after her. She is now officailly a BRAT.



She came 4th in a class of 32 last term! I was so proud of her, the remark on her report sheet said, ‘She has shown a great level of improvement. A good student to emulate in all things’. After I saw that, I bought her a pair of Jesus sandals that she had been going on and on about.
I tell you, this girl is more fashionable than you can think. And one more thing, her English has so improved, you won’t believe she was a village girl just about six months ago. Sometime last week, I said to her ‘Charlie (bdw, she sometimes insists I call her Charlie Champagne, or Charlie for short), come and go and buy salt downstairs’ guess what? She eyed me disgustingly and asked, ‘what is the meaning of come and go and ?’, I was amazed. I have since learned to speak only Queens English to her, whether she understands or not is none of my darn business.

Another thing that I can’t seem to get off my mind is the growing bump on her chest, soon the red bug will come visiting every month…this girl is maturing and she’s too smart for her own good. I don’t know what to say to her that she hasn’t already learnt on TV. Ideas anybody? Please help.

Lastly, I have made a great discovery in blogville that deserves a full single post. Watch this space over the weekend.