Friday, February 13, 2009

I killed her on the 13th.

Hi blogville.

So friday the thirteenth is here again. I remember my post on this 'special' day of the week a while back.
But I discovered something recently that makes me believe that the day is might really be jinxed.

I was still fresh in blogville when i put up the I killed her post, but recently, I came across my school report card and found out that everything happened on a Friday the 13th. Maybe the myth is true, maybe it isn't. But the thing that changed my life in more ways than one happened on this day. I believe. So, I've decided to share the post again.

Friday, May 2, 2008
I killed her...

I was going on 7 (or was i going on 8 at that time????, the memories get more and more hazy)
A few years earlier, we'd just moved to a more secure neigbhourhood. Everyone (i mean my sister and brother) liked their new schools, except me. The kids were mean, the lunch was terrible and the toilet was an eyesore. I was a smart kid, and they hated me even more.
I had no friends, i always thought it was because i hadn't gotten my school uniform yet so they didn't see me as one of them...yet. Not long after i started this new school, we had a 'newer'-comer in our class. I remember vividly how she looked on her first day, just like me, she had one of those aunty-give-me-cake gowns, church shoes and her hair was tied up in rubber thread.
'Class this is 'Anthonia', welcome her' then the bunch of mean kids mumbled something and she got the empty seat on my bench...misery loves company. I remember this day vividly, i don't care how many pranks my mind plays on me. I made a friend that day. She was born in July, just like me. We were the same size, same height, same complexion. We only had different faces. We'd sometimes lie that we were sisters. The kids at school weren't so mean anymore, and if they were, we didn't care.

It didn't take long for me to discover how incredibly smart Anthonia was. Together, we'd decide who we wanted to come first and second on the tests and exams. We never really competed for first and second positions in our class, my parents didn't mind when i came second and she came first (and neither did her's) , better her than someone else. I remember she didn't have a father. I remember telling her we could share mine, and we did.

We were funny kids, stars of the teaching-staff room. I remember there was a fish tank in that office. Every afternoon at lunch break, we'd go in there and feed the fish, it was a goldfish. We'd crack jokes everytime about how we wanted to taste the fish and all. Anthonia knew how to laugh. I remember her laughter, it was deep, shrill, intense, always with tears in her eyes. We had no worries, never threw tantrums. We had fun.

Everyday after school, we'd walk down a few blocks to my house where her mum usually picked her up after work. While we waited for four o'clock for NTA to come up, we'd play all sorts of games, I remember it was she who taught me how to skip, and she was my hero when it came to 'ten-ten', she always won when we played 'catcher' and whenever we got tired, we'd sit in the house and watch VOLTRON- defender of the universe or Power Rangers till her mother came, sometimes, she'd sleep over.

I remember we loved to drink garri. We did it everyday, with groundnut. They called us Woomie-Epa and Toni-Epa.

Joker-Jellies were in vouge. My mother got us each a pair, one blue pair and one pink pair. (We pioneered that foot wear in my neighbourhood.) It was hard for us to choose, they were both beautiful. I took the blue anyways but when we ran errands, we'd exchange right legs so we'd each have a blue leg and a pink leg. It pissed my mother off all the time, but we'd still do it when she wasn't looking.

It was the end of the school year and her mother told me they were moving again. I had no idea what it meant at that time so i remember NOT remembering.

We'd tied at first position that term. I remember we weren't too excited, we'd already gotten used to it. I remember the walk home that friday afternoon, the Jumat service going on in the mosque about two blocks away. We always stopped for a while to watch them bow and chant, this day was no different, i recall. There were always arabs and other 'onyibos' there on fridays, Anthonia and i liked to stare at them.

We got home that afternoon and decided on a game of 'catcher'. I was a lazy child, i always turned the game of 'catcher' into another game of 'hide-and-seek' whenever it was my turn to be chased, I remember that was why she'd never let me catch her. I got tired of chasing and i wanted garri and groundnut as usual. We walked towards the gate together, i remember the shop where the groundnut was sold, right opposite my house. I remember shoving her that day, and'i've caught you!', 'i've caught you', 'go and buy the groundnut and come and catch me back'. Mad at my sudden victory, she raced towards the shop, backing the road and screaming at me. I remember that road, it wasn't a busy one.
As i closed my eyes and stood there thinking of which 'hole' to go and hide this time,i heard the tires sreeching (i still hear them now). I opened my eyes and stood there paralysed, i couldn't see Anthonia, people had gathered around the front of uncle Jimi's car, i keep thinking that if there had been less people there that day, i'd still have Anthonia. I heard the shouts and screams of the women (i still hear them now), still i couldn't move. I remember Uncle Jimi lifting her to the car, then i saw her face, she looked strange, there were tears in hey eyes, almost as if she was laughing. I knew it took the last bit of strength in her, but Anthonia kicked off my blue foot of Joker-Jelly, like she knew i'd get in trouble for it. Still, i couldn't move, i didn't care about it or any other thing at that moment. I just stood there, still, minutes after the Uncle Jimi drove off.
I remember it was my Aunt who came and picked me up from the gate. I remember i didn't talk for days. I remember not drinking garri or eating groundnut for a while.
I remember nobody talked about Anthonia ever again. I know they all think i can't remember. But i see that day everyday. I see her everyday. And sometimes, i talk to her, i know it's only me in the dialouge, but still, it feels good.
I have NEVER opened my mouth to talk about Anthonia to my mum or anyone (maybe i never will), I always write about it and then tear up the paper. I can't tear this up, I know she deserves to be remembered.
I don't know if she survived, if they moved or if i'll ever see her again. A part of me tells me I am me today because she happened to me ( i never would have mastered my 13-15 times table if it wasn't for her)
I never played 'catcher' or 'hide-and-seek' ever ever again. I hate those games.
I love my friend Anthonia, she's like my super-ego now,
I love the memory of her,
her laughter,
her tears,
and the Joker-jellies.


Naughty Eyes said...

Girlfriend!!! I thought I told you before? You didn't kill anybody, get it? For all you know, Anthonia is probably somewhere thinking Woomie is dead too.
My suggestions? Ask around, get on FB, use People Search, anything to get the weight off your mind. And if she did die, stuff happens...

NoLimit said...

I am dazed...can I categorically state here that NO YOU DID NOT KILL HER!!!
I think you've beaten yourself mentally blue black enough...and I know you know that it's true.
Regardless of people's theory, Friday the 13th is another wonderful and glorious day...and so shall it be forever (amin!)...
Hope you're good...happy Val’s day...

Rita said...

Woomie O! I know it must be hard for you each time you remember the incident. You'd probably be thinking "what if...” I pray you forgive yourself and realize "you did not kill her..." If there was no car on the road that day, the story might have been different. If the driver had done some defensive driving course, the story may have been different. If she did not come out to play or if she was more careful, the story may have been different. If you did win that day, the story MAY have been different.

I am sure Antonia, being the great friend I perceive from your post, would not want you to remain in guilt but would want you to move on, take whatever lesson you can take from the experience, have a best friend and enjoy all your relationships. Just what if this experience would make you a very careful driver? Just what if you could save a child's life who carelessly ran into the road?

"I knew it took the last bit of strength in her, but Anthonia kicked off my blue foot of Joker-Jelly, like she knew i'd get in trouble for it..." That is a sign that she loved you and would never blame you for what happened.

If you feel so laden with guilt, talk to God. HE is ready to take away all your pains and cares. HE will give you freedom.

Do have a wonderful day ahead. Happy Val's day and much love.

StandTall-The Activist said...

I lost 15K on the 13th, I got a visa for a program am attending on the 13th of Feb and I was born on the 13th of July but it was a thursday. I am not sure whether to believe 13th on a Friday is jinxed

zara (my alter ego) said...


am so sorry...

Adaeze said...

Oh my god..What a touching story.And it's real.I'm so sorry. But I think you're doing the best by keeping her memory alive. I am sure she is with you, watching you, being part of you. You did not kill her, and what Rita said is so true - when she kicked off your blue foot of joker jelly that's a sign she would never blame you. How could you ever be blamed? It was an accident. Thank you for sharing, this story truly touched me and stay blessed. Cherish the beauty of her memory, not the accident :-)

Uzezi said...

this is so sad. i can imagine what it must have been like for you as a child. but i think u should face it right now as an adult. it was a mistake nobody telling you anything after it happen back then. you deserved to know what happened. did dhe die? did they move and so on.

if u can, please do find out and put this guilt to rest. u were practically sisters, and im sure she wouldn't like you thinking that way that u killed her. u didnt ok?

Uzezi said...

really really sad. No dear, u didnt kill her okay

Vera Ezimora said...

But what if she isn't dead?

Buttercup said... really sorry love...

As vera asked, what if she really isnt dead?

Afrobabe said...

OMG, this brought tears to my sadddd...dont even know why I skiped the newest entry and came her sooo sad..

You didnt have anything to do with it dear...twas fate....

temmy tayo said...

Ok, what makes u think she died? Chei....