His people are coming!
His people are coming?!
I am happy. I am sad. I am nervous. I am going crazy with worry. Oh God!
I haven’t ever been a fan of LDRs (Long Distance Relationships), in fact, I tend to discourage them (without sharing this opinion).
It wasn’t until five months ago that I realized that I was actually in one; I have been in one for seventeen months now. Funny how it never dawned on me until then. For the sake of them teasers, I refer to my sweetness as ‘sweetness’. We met (officially) twenty years…sorry months ago, we’ve been dating for seventeen months and then things kinda got really serious and we’ve been engaged since March, that’s five months now.
At first, I called it an LDR right from the beginning because we (I) resolved to abstain, keep our distance as far as urges were concerned, Long Distance sexual Relationship ( I learnt from my first relationship that sex messes up everything if you haven’t discovered what your true feelings are), this was a problem at first but love prevailed OR maybe our relationship was saved by my sweetness’ decision to go back to the UK to further his education (he’s a medical doctor) , make some real money and the rest. (????)
I didn't think this was a big deal at first; not with the mobile phones + the many wonders of www. There was so much of our not-so-distant-afterall-relationship that I realized I had taken for granted when my sweetness and I had it. In Harriet Beecher’s words, I am one of those unfortunately constituted fellows in whose eyes whatever what is lost and gone assumes a value which it never had in possession. Whatever I had, I seemed to survey only to pick faults; but since it’s been fairly away, there’s been no end to my valuation of it. I must confess, most times, I find myself wishing I hadn’t insisted on an LDR before the LDR.
Somehow, days have turned into weeks, weeks to months, and now it’s been almost two years now, still it feels like yesterday. It almost always feels like yesterday. My sister Lala (23) says it’s because I’m 19 years old that I can afford to not be time conscious, she is a firm believer in back-up and insurance, by this she means ‘not dating exclusively’, but that doesn’t work for me, I’m way too plain for that…there’s no way I can be in love with more than one person at a time...messsy, one day bushmeat go catch the hunter.
Last week, my sweetness and I were talking (my brother, the mathematician said one time that I spend roughly 20% of my day on the phone and over half of my allowance on calls and communications) and he was like, '...my people and I are coming...' 'blah blah blah' I wasn't listening.
'your people are coming with you???'
your people are coming?
his people are coming??
This guy is not joking o!
I'd never really thought about this for a second before now...
I'm not sure.
I'm soo not sure.
I'm craaazzzyyy about my sweetness and what we have together.
I keep telling myself, 'i'm happy'
'i'm happy' again and again, just to be sure that I really am.
At the moment, I don't know what to do...
With school and three major exams and all, this should be the least of my worries, but it sure isn't.
I'm happy, but i keep asking myself, 'what if i can be happier?'
What if i just think i'm happy???
What if it's just someting i want to believe??
What if I can be happier???