Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
In the spirit of blogville
In the spirit of blogville
I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but his work has touched my heart in a way that I may be able to describe –
But not now, that one is story for another day.
Adebanji Adeola Alade can make things beautiful with his pencil and paint brush.
Really beautiful.
Here’s the thing, I want (us) to do something for him in the spirit of blogville.
It’s something most of us have probably not heard about.
Adebanji has been shortlisted for the Great Britons competition again.
Last time, he finished fourth. The judges really like his stuff but the competition is purely a vote-and-win scenario.
If he wins, he'll get a chance to fulfill his dreams of visiting America to paint and sketch scences of New York that he has always imagined in his head.
People haven’t been voting, not because they don’t like his work, or they don’t care but because they haven’t even heard of it!
So, the judges have given him another chance and it’s a big challenge
For Adebanji
For bloggers
and finally Nigerians.
Since when do we ever carry last?
Adebanji Adeola Alade needs your votes, and it’s really simple, log in to www.greatbritons.ba.com/users/1752 and create an account to vote.
If you think it’s a long thing, not to worry, you can vote with your Facebook account, just click on the Facebook icon you see on the page.
Please do what you can to make people know, here in blogville, a quick post with the link will do (esp for those of you that have run out of ideas on what to talk about today.lol) and on Facebook with your status messages! And then on twitter!! And as many websites as possible. PLEASE GUYS!!!
He’s still 6th going by the last ratings, and in less than 5 days the results will be announced.
So what if he wins by a landslide sef? He’s Nigerian after all.
Let the campaign begin!!!
He needs over two thousand votes and I say ‘Yesss! We Can!!!!’
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Discovery
THIS IS A SKETCH...
I don't know how many of you have heard of him.
But this my friend is all that.
And he's been here for a looong time...unnoticed by all!!!!
ADEBANJIALADE.BLOGSPOT.COM
He's THE DISCOVERY.
Check him out ASAP...show him some love.
PS: will do a proper update soon, i've been away for too long.
I don't know how many of you have heard of him.
But this my friend is all that.
And he's been here for a looong time...unnoticed by all!!!!
ADEBANJIALADE.BLOGSPOT.COM
He's THE DISCOVERY.
Check him out ASAP...show him some love.
PS: will do a proper update soon, i've been away for too long.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
ISSUES
I have been putting off updating for yearssss, my thoughts have been a little bit misconstructed or is it unconstructed? (English scholars please help!) at the moment.
So, my babies have driven me to come here and wish them a belated Happy Children’s Day! Here's a special shout out to all my childrenssess, esp Ifeluta, Baby, Tl, Agape and Kanyi (so tell your mothers to get off my back!).
Okay, so what have I been up to? Work, work and more work.
Can you people please help me beg Baba Tayo, he’s the bus driver that takes me and my neighbours to work everyday. You see, I suspect this man works for the devil. I leave home at 5:30 and I don’t get to work till like 7:30! That’s like two hours on the road that just don’t make sense. Why? I’ll tell you why.
1. Baba Tayo stops every 15 minutes to pee and in some cases, poop. He’s a grown man, why can’t he hold these things?!
2. his main aim is to find every possible pot hole in the road and plunge into them, maybe someone has threatened to kill him if he doesn't do this.
3. when vehicles are going bumper to bumper, Baba Tayo searches for the slowest moving lane and joins such lane, if he doesn’t, then there’s a problem somewhere in his head, trust me.
4. he doesn’t remember to strap on his seatbelt until a LASTMA official is around the corner, one day, they held him for hours, I had to find my way to the office without him.
5. the worst one is, he sleeps while on duty. Risking my precious life like it doesn’t really matter.
I have been searching for alternatives, the only one I’ve come up with is buying a Range Rover, and since I can’t even afford even the tyres right now, I’m sticking with Baba Tayo. Remember us in your prayers.
On to another issue, if you didn’t know before, my mother is a primary school teacher. Yesterday, she shared this amazing gist of her Primary 6 students caught in the act. Can you believe it? It was raining and the stupid boy and his senseless girlfriend decided to go for a quickie in the toilet, unfortunately they were caught! The other students spoilt their show. Lol. Senseless and Stupid were sent to call their parents and Senseless denied it saying she was flying the red flag, unfortunately, one of the female teachers insisted on checking her down below, lo and behold! The only liquid soaking anything was her excitement juice! You know what I mean?
I really didn’t know what sex was till maybe after junior high, I never thought of doing it till after senior high…and even now, as old as I am, I still don’t treat my down-below with such arrant carelessness.
Times are changing. We can somehow link this case to the Global Economic Meltdown, now known as GEM. Since the kids can’t go to silverbird and do all the cool stuff that rich kids do, they explored –like the smart kids that they are-and they have found something more interesting than Disney World- s.e.x.!
Hannah is doing very well, thanks to those of you who have been asking after her. She is now officailly a BRAT.
She came 4th in a class of 32 last term! I was so proud of her, the remark on her report sheet said, ‘She has shown a great level of improvement. A good student to emulate in all things’. After I saw that, I bought her a pair of Jesus sandals that she had been going on and on about.
I tell you, this girl is more fashionable than you can think. And one more thing, her English has so improved, you won’t believe she was a village girl just about six months ago. Sometime last week, I said to her ‘Charlie (bdw, she sometimes insists I call her Charlie Champagne, or Charlie for short), come and go and buy salt downstairs’ guess what? She eyed me disgustingly and asked, ‘what is the meaning of come and go and ?’, I was amazed. I have since learned to speak only Queens English to her, whether she understands or not is none of my darn business.
Another thing that I can’t seem to get off my mind is the growing bump on her chest, soon the red bug will come visiting every month…this girl is maturing and she’s too smart for her own good. I don’t know what to say to her that she hasn’t already learnt on TV. Ideas anybody? Please help.
Lastly, I have made a great discovery in blogville that deserves a full single post. Watch this space over the weekend.
So, my babies have driven me to come here and wish them a belated Happy Children’s Day! Here's a special shout out to all my childrenssess, esp Ifeluta, Baby, Tl, Agape and Kanyi (so tell your mothers to get off my back!).
Okay, so what have I been up to? Work, work and more work.
Can you people please help me beg Baba Tayo, he’s the bus driver that takes me and my neighbours to work everyday. You see, I suspect this man works for the devil. I leave home at 5:30 and I don’t get to work till like 7:30! That’s like two hours on the road that just don’t make sense. Why? I’ll tell you why.
1. Baba Tayo stops every 15 minutes to pee and in some cases, poop. He’s a grown man, why can’t he hold these things?!
2. his main aim is to find every possible pot hole in the road and plunge into them, maybe someone has threatened to kill him if he doesn't do this.
3. when vehicles are going bumper to bumper, Baba Tayo searches for the slowest moving lane and joins such lane, if he doesn’t, then there’s a problem somewhere in his head, trust me.
4. he doesn’t remember to strap on his seatbelt until a LASTMA official is around the corner, one day, they held him for hours, I had to find my way to the office without him.
5. the worst one is, he sleeps while on duty. Risking my precious life like it doesn’t really matter.
I have been searching for alternatives, the only one I’ve come up with is buying a Range Rover, and since I can’t even afford even the tyres right now, I’m sticking with Baba Tayo. Remember us in your prayers.
On to another issue, if you didn’t know before, my mother is a primary school teacher. Yesterday, she shared this amazing gist of her Primary 6 students caught in the act. Can you believe it? It was raining and the stupid boy and his senseless girlfriend decided to go for a quickie in the toilet, unfortunately they were caught! The other students spoilt their show. Lol. Senseless and Stupid were sent to call their parents and Senseless denied it saying she was flying the red flag, unfortunately, one of the female teachers insisted on checking her down below, lo and behold! The only liquid soaking anything was her excitement juice! You know what I mean?
I really didn’t know what sex was till maybe after junior high, I never thought of doing it till after senior high…and even now, as old as I am, I still don’t treat my down-below with such arrant carelessness.
Times are changing. We can somehow link this case to the Global Economic Meltdown, now known as GEM. Since the kids can’t go to silverbird and do all the cool stuff that rich kids do, they explored –like the smart kids that they are-and they have found something more interesting than Disney World- s.e.x.!
Hannah is doing very well, thanks to those of you who have been asking after her. She is now officailly a BRAT.
She came 4th in a class of 32 last term! I was so proud of her, the remark on her report sheet said, ‘She has shown a great level of improvement. A good student to emulate in all things’. After I saw that, I bought her a pair of Jesus sandals that she had been going on and on about.
I tell you, this girl is more fashionable than you can think. And one more thing, her English has so improved, you won’t believe she was a village girl just about six months ago. Sometime last week, I said to her ‘Charlie (bdw, she sometimes insists I call her Charlie Champagne, or Charlie for short), come and go and buy salt downstairs’ guess what? She eyed me disgustingly and asked, ‘what is the meaning of come and go and ?’, I was amazed. I have since learned to speak only Queens English to her, whether she understands or not is none of my darn business.
Another thing that I can’t seem to get off my mind is the growing bump on her chest, soon the red bug will come visiting every month…this girl is maturing and she’s too smart for her own good. I don’t know what to say to her that she hasn’t already learnt on TV. Ideas anybody? Please help.
Lastly, I have made a great discovery in blogville that deserves a full single post. Watch this space over the weekend.
Friday, May 8, 2009
WTF RANT.
Who stole my phone???
Someone took my NOKIA phone at CMS this morning and switched it off...naturally, i'm just going to assume it was stolen, not that some kind man wants to relieve me of the burden of picking my annoying calls.
I'm so burnt.
And why do people keep sneezing around me without covering their mouths???
I'm soooooooo hating!!!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone took my NOKIA phone at CMS this morning and switched it off...naturally, i'm just going to assume it was stolen, not that some kind man wants to relieve me of the burden of picking my annoying calls.
I'm so burnt.
And why do people keep sneezing around me without covering their mouths???
I'm soooooooo hating!!!!
Arrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Where is He?
photo courtesy www.felameetsabba.blogspot.com
I haven’t been to church in a while; I haven’t been to church this year. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that churches have now become the fashionistas’ playground, me sef, I dey try once in a while to represent…and the fact that I stopped going is not evidence that I have grown weary of ‘competition’, I didn’t even consider all that pettiness as competition; not at City of David where the only acceptable cars are Hummers, Rovers, Mercedes GLs, EODs and Baby boys, lucky you if you have an Element; not at Daystar where you have to hide your handbag under your armpits if it isn’t Gucci or Guess or Ferragammo or LV and the likes, not at Christ Church or KICC or CICC or CCC or any other C church you can think of where you don’t have to cover your million braids and Take-A-Bow that you fixed at Make Me or Zoom Place.
Yesterday, a colleague at work asked me if I remember to pay tithe at the end of the month, I said to her that I set aside over 10% of what I earn and give it to people that really need it, that I am not one of those who believe in paying my tithe to ‘the church’. She called a meeting of about four people and started preaching to me about the rewards of tithing and first fruits and all. Sadly, I still am not convinced.
She asked me how I think the church pays rent, and fuels its generator, and buys chairs and pays the gateman etc. etc. There was a time when I believed in the church’s needs, when I understood that the church needs my money to survive, but after a while, it became obvious how gullible I had been.
Right in front of my friend’s close is an RCCG, somewhere down the road is another RCCG, and then these two churches, preaching the same sermons, singing the same songs, worshipping the same God, want to pay 1million naira each at the end of the year to their landlords, what manner of giving is that??? By the way, these two churches are not there on their own, somewhere in between the short distance, there are a Foursquare Gospel Church, a Mountain of Fire, a Good News Bible Church, one C&S Bible church and a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. In my estate, there is a whole street dedicated to churches, Church Street they call it, I have been there once, and there are about thirty churches there, two or three sharing a building. Every Sunday, you should see the pandemonium! they dance and sing and compete for God’s attention, the same people preach that there is only one God. Which one? Who is right and who is wrong?
If tithing and giving offerings in church was really worth it, I’d go out of my way to give, bountifully even. But why should I pay my tithes to a church that goes on to build universities that over half the members cannot afford to get a degree from? My colleague’s argument was that they need to pay staff and make profit. Make profit! Since when did a church need to make profit??? Another colleague said they need to set standards. My gawd! How can a church of all places (or people?) practice such social stratification? Even the General Overseer openly said (disdainfully if I might add), ‘my school is not for everyone!’ Wasn’t all man born equal? With some luckier than others? Isn’t the church supposed to bridge this gap between the bourgeoisies and the ‘masses’? Isn’t love and oneness the message of the church? What frigging standards?!?
Why should I pay tithes to a church when the pastor openly throws a society wedding for his son that I am way beneath even the littlest person on the guest list? Once I saw a man of God give out his daughter’s hand in marriage and on the high table were traditional rulers displaying their juju, governors who had openly admitted to looting public funds, there were fireworks and the lot. My colleague said, ‘ the pastor is a human being like me and you, he gave up a career to spread the gospel, surely, he should be allowed to give his daughter a befitting wedding if he wants to’, oh well! Not with my money, Hells NO!, what then is the difference between a so-called man of God and a man of the world?
Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that with the numerous numbers of churches in Lagos, only Lagos o, there shouldn’t be this much suffering around, this staggering crime rate, this begging, and this much starvation on the streets of Lagos. As the churches are increasing, so is the poverty I see around everywhere I turn. In Our pastors are too busy acquiring private jets and taking advantage of real estate opportunities in the United States to notice poor Agnes who has been raped and battered and left to rot on the street, or little Tobi whose mother has breast cancer and sits on Cele bridge begging for alms, or this my guy Tony, one-legged, very bright young chap who sits on Cele bridge selling Etisalat and Visafone sim cards, a vital resource well – untapped. The church should notice all these people, but guess what? They don’t… someone else has anyways, Governor Fashola! First, I’ll happily pay my PAYE tax at a whopping 40%, before I pay it to the church, at least our governor is accountable and I can see taxpayers’ money in action, as opposed to seeing tithers’ money in inaction.
I’ll give anything to understand why there are so many Christians around and yet they all refuse to agree that this one God is the same. That he is omnipresent. He doesn’t stay at the Redeem Camp and never leaves, He is not buried at MFM Prayer City, He is alive, He goes before me, He stands beside me, He is in my head and all around me, I don’t want anyone telling me that He is at Kilometer 46 or or 48 or 49 or 40 million Lagos Ibadan Expressway, the God I serve does not permanently reside in camps, He does not restrict himself to kilometers. He is right here, right now.
I know the bible says ‘do not forsake the gathering of the righteous’ but there is so much hypocrisy, so much corruption that I do not know who the righteous are anymore. When people talk about corruption in Nigeria, no one denies its existence or attempts to cover up the extent to which it is found to be in public life, it is there- all too obviously- admitted and deplored, I am just pained that Christians practice and tolerate it to this extent. I still wonder how Reverend King, supposedly sentenced to death by hanging still holds crusades in his church and draws large crowds like water, how the Chosen people believe that theirs is the only God and struggle violently to prove it, why churches use the tithes from its members to sponsor heavily expensive radio and television ads…to draw a larger crowd and more tithes… I long for the day when Christians will really be Christ-like, where men of God will lead by example, where they will demonstrate by their own lives and churches that they will not tolerate hypocrisy.
My God is everywhere; I am not going to Church Street or Kilometer 55 to look for Him. He is in my head and all around me.
I haven’t been to church in a while; I haven’t been to church this year. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that churches have now become the fashionistas’ playground, me sef, I dey try once in a while to represent…and the fact that I stopped going is not evidence that I have grown weary of ‘competition’, I didn’t even consider all that pettiness as competition; not at City of David where the only acceptable cars are Hummers, Rovers, Mercedes GLs, EODs and Baby boys, lucky you if you have an Element; not at Daystar where you have to hide your handbag under your armpits if it isn’t Gucci or Guess or Ferragammo or LV and the likes, not at Christ Church or KICC or CICC or CCC or any other C church you can think of where you don’t have to cover your million braids and Take-A-Bow that you fixed at Make Me or Zoom Place.
Yesterday, a colleague at work asked me if I remember to pay tithe at the end of the month, I said to her that I set aside over 10% of what I earn and give it to people that really need it, that I am not one of those who believe in paying my tithe to ‘the church’. She called a meeting of about four people and started preaching to me about the rewards of tithing and first fruits and all. Sadly, I still am not convinced.
She asked me how I think the church pays rent, and fuels its generator, and buys chairs and pays the gateman etc. etc. There was a time when I believed in the church’s needs, when I understood that the church needs my money to survive, but after a while, it became obvious how gullible I had been.
Right in front of my friend’s close is an RCCG, somewhere down the road is another RCCG, and then these two churches, preaching the same sermons, singing the same songs, worshipping the same God, want to pay 1million naira each at the end of the year to their landlords, what manner of giving is that??? By the way, these two churches are not there on their own, somewhere in between the short distance, there are a Foursquare Gospel Church, a Mountain of Fire, a Good News Bible Church, one C&S Bible church and a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. In my estate, there is a whole street dedicated to churches, Church Street they call it, I have been there once, and there are about thirty churches there, two or three sharing a building. Every Sunday, you should see the pandemonium! they dance and sing and compete for God’s attention, the same people preach that there is only one God. Which one? Who is right and who is wrong?
If tithing and giving offerings in church was really worth it, I’d go out of my way to give, bountifully even. But why should I pay my tithes to a church that goes on to build universities that over half the members cannot afford to get a degree from? My colleague’s argument was that they need to pay staff and make profit. Make profit! Since when did a church need to make profit??? Another colleague said they need to set standards. My gawd! How can a church of all places (or people?) practice such social stratification? Even the General Overseer openly said (disdainfully if I might add), ‘my school is not for everyone!’ Wasn’t all man born equal? With some luckier than others? Isn’t the church supposed to bridge this gap between the bourgeoisies and the ‘masses’? Isn’t love and oneness the message of the church? What frigging standards?!?
Why should I pay tithes to a church when the pastor openly throws a society wedding for his son that I am way beneath even the littlest person on the guest list? Once I saw a man of God give out his daughter’s hand in marriage and on the high table were traditional rulers displaying their juju, governors who had openly admitted to looting public funds, there were fireworks and the lot. My colleague said, ‘ the pastor is a human being like me and you, he gave up a career to spread the gospel, surely, he should be allowed to give his daughter a befitting wedding if he wants to’, oh well! Not with my money, Hells NO!, what then is the difference between a so-called man of God and a man of the world?
Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that with the numerous numbers of churches in Lagos, only Lagos o, there shouldn’t be this much suffering around, this staggering crime rate, this begging, and this much starvation on the streets of Lagos. As the churches are increasing, so is the poverty I see around everywhere I turn. In Our pastors are too busy acquiring private jets and taking advantage of real estate opportunities in the United States to notice poor Agnes who has been raped and battered and left to rot on the street, or little Tobi whose mother has breast cancer and sits on Cele bridge begging for alms, or this my guy Tony, one-legged, very bright young chap who sits on Cele bridge selling Etisalat and Visafone sim cards, a vital resource well – untapped. The church should notice all these people, but guess what? They don’t… someone else has anyways, Governor Fashola! First, I’ll happily pay my PAYE tax at a whopping 40%, before I pay it to the church, at least our governor is accountable and I can see taxpayers’ money in action, as opposed to seeing tithers’ money in inaction.
I’ll give anything to understand why there are so many Christians around and yet they all refuse to agree that this one God is the same. That he is omnipresent. He doesn’t stay at the Redeem Camp and never leaves, He is not buried at MFM Prayer City, He is alive, He goes before me, He stands beside me, He is in my head and all around me, I don’t want anyone telling me that He is at Kilometer 46 or or 48 or 49 or 40 million Lagos Ibadan Expressway, the God I serve does not permanently reside in camps, He does not restrict himself to kilometers. He is right here, right now.
I know the bible says ‘do not forsake the gathering of the righteous’ but there is so much hypocrisy, so much corruption that I do not know who the righteous are anymore. When people talk about corruption in Nigeria, no one denies its existence or attempts to cover up the extent to which it is found to be in public life, it is there- all too obviously- admitted and deplored, I am just pained that Christians practice and tolerate it to this extent. I still wonder how Reverend King, supposedly sentenced to death by hanging still holds crusades in his church and draws large crowds like water, how the Chosen people believe that theirs is the only God and struggle violently to prove it, why churches use the tithes from its members to sponsor heavily expensive radio and television ads…to draw a larger crowd and more tithes… I long for the day when Christians will really be Christ-like, where men of God will lead by example, where they will demonstrate by their own lives and churches that they will not tolerate hypocrisy.
My God is everywhere; I am not going to Church Street or Kilometer 55 to look for Him. He is in my head and all around me.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Stolen Kisses.
Why did you let your gaze rest upon me?
What was it you thought you would see?
Why did we open all the doors of possibility?
When we knew that our dreams were far from reality.
When we knew that our dreams were far from reality.
You teased me about turning the pages of your heart
And how I swore never to stop the art!
You cleaned the cobwebs on my lips
And oiled them with your kiss.
The kisses, oh the honest deepest kisses!
They felt like answers to lifelong wishes.
And so in our feelings I put my trust
Now it’s all turned into dust – gold dust.
Until the sunny-rainy day we met
I had never known unsatisfaction like this yet.
Because your heart is tied to another
And mine is left to wander.
It’s true there’s no beginning to an end
Only a beginning and an end.
We can try to live without the kisses and hope it will work
But the memories, so vivid, will haunt me – for all it’s worth.
Love struck me, suddenly, like lightening
And I want it to never stop raining.
Just this once I want it all
All the tender loving to make me fall.
It’s you I love – with love so divine
And I feel cursed that you are not mine.
Why did we open my heart with all the kisses?
I feel like I’ve been shattered into tiny little pieces.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Of stalkers, a new friend and an anniversary
I have put off talking about my new job for a while cuz there are a zillion and one blog followers everywhere in my office!!! Gawd! I always have to look over my shoulders just to post a simple comment...people will do everything to get you off your seat just to find out whodahell you are posting as.
Stalkers! Stalkers!! Stalkers!!! everywhere.
And there is a really serious one who gets on my nerves as hell, but she's my bestestestest colleague, and she blogs as well! Ronke, if you're reading this, I love you! and yes, I give up! This is me...I know it may take a while to find out who exactly you are, even though I suspect you might be Afrobabe, or Temite or even that crazzy LG cuz u really are crazy...and secretive!!!
Anyways, just so you know, I am weary from all the hiding, you've found me out! Phew! Satisfied???? I hate you!!!!
I just hope that when I bitch about work stuff, you won't be a meaner boss than you already are.lol.
All bloggers unite against stalkers!!!!
Anyways, I can assure y'all that as soon as I find out who the hell she is, I'll be spilling like a broken typewriter, just watch this space!!!
MediaNemesis is one!!!! Let's pop champagne again! You know how we do the do!!!
In the usual Blogville style (taking a cue from Don Charzy and Buttercup, Vera and Co.), we ( yes, 'we', I started being a contibtor again today, go check team members)will be doing a question and answer post...bitching about all the posts that get zilch comments, our ups and downs to those who care to listen...bdw, I am at liberty to choose what questions to answer or not.he he ehe!
Stalkers! Stalkers!! Stalkers!!! everywhere.
And there is a really serious one who gets on my nerves as hell, but she's my bestestestest colleague, and she blogs as well! Ronke, if you're reading this, I love you! and yes, I give up! This is me...I know it may take a while to find out who exactly you are, even though I suspect you might be Afrobabe, or Temite or even that crazzy LG cuz u really are crazy...and secretive!!!
Anyways, just so you know, I am weary from all the hiding, you've found me out! Phew! Satisfied???? I hate you!!!!
I just hope that when I bitch about work stuff, you won't be a meaner boss than you already are.lol.
All bloggers unite against stalkers!!!!
Anyways, I can assure y'all that as soon as I find out who the hell she is, I'll be spilling like a broken typewriter, just watch this space!!!
MediaNemesis is one!!!! Let's pop champagne again! You know how we do the do!!!
In the usual Blogville style (taking a cue from Don Charzy and Buttercup, Vera and Co.), we ( yes, 'we', I started being a contibtor again today, go check team members)will be doing a question and answer post...bitching about all the posts that get zilch comments, our ups and downs to those who care to listen...bdw, I am at liberty to choose what questions to answer or not.he he ehe!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saint or Insanity?!
So the mushy day of the mysterious St. Valentine is over. Clear your eyes. Yes! You and you, and you over there wondering what the hell it is you did last saturday.
I’m really indifferent about the Val’s and all that soppy love wan-tin-tin. Mscheww. I really don’t care. And no, I’m not sad or lonely…or in denial for Pete’s sakes!
There was something peculiar about Val’s this year, maybe it’s because it fell on a Saturday…or because people were actually happy to be distracted by it…something to take their minds off credit crunch and pay cuts and all, who knows?
But really, Val’s was really different in Lagos this year.
Even on Friday at work, I heard ‘there’s a delivery for so so so and so at the reception’ like a hundred times. Cakes, red roses, white roses, chocolates. I ate gladly (noo o! not the roses, I just smelled those ones and gave my fake smiles and congratulations) but frankly, I thought t’was just show-off o! Because, all these adult lovers should have taken full advantage of the day falling on a Saturday and just kept their peace! Instead of sending loud KEEP OFF MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND !!! messages to fellow colleagues.
I woke up on Saturday morning to find my inbox full. Some of the messages from family…and some guys who wanted to try their luck with invitations to Bambuddha, Planet One, movies etc , wtf?! Don’t they gerrit? I’m not a fan of St. Valentine! The only invitation I woulda accepted would be to the White House or Turks and Caicos…to be alone for the weekend…or forever sef!
I walk downstairs to buy cereal from my neighbor’s shop in my red flip-flops that she sees me wear every single day and she goes, ‘Ehhh oo! As per lovers’ day, me sef I have already ironed my red hollandias, lemme go and ask my husband how far’ … I just ignored her. Old timer will not keep her mouth shut and just give me cornflakes.
Then my neighbor Ara, whom I used to jog with every morning (before I got a job on ‘the island’ and she got herself pregnant simultaneously) comes over and calls me outta my bathroom like there was some emergency, only to ask me ‘how Val’s go be?’ …shit. I wanted to slap her…but I just considered her bomboy…and the fact that she’s almost a married woman…and that I was naked.
It was ‘water-leaf soup day’ (which by the way was the most exciting thing about Val’s day for me) and I dressed in black and blue to go to the market, another neighbor, a timer as well, accosts me on my way to find out why ‘I’m not wearing red and where I’m going and blah blah blah’. Nonsense old woman!
I walk to the bus stop and I tell you, there’s not a single person who didn’t have a touch of red, I thought to myself, ‘I must have missed the dress code to ‘The Cupid’s Ball for Retarded People’…even the village women selling garri and okra by the road were in red… I wonder who or what was responsible for this massive awareness…we should use these media to communicate to them the need for family planning, causes of HIV, breast and cervical cancer, tuberculosis and a host of other deadly avoidable diseases.
I waited almost 20 minutes for a bus, eventually I got one for twice the normal fare. There was a plastic red rose beside the steering wheel…maybe that’s what I was paying extra for, God only knows.
So so many ‘About-to-wed’ rides everywhere, some pastors/prophets must have promised these couples marital super glue for getting married on Valentine’s Day. Lol.
Omo come see market!!! Stupid plastic and ceramic roses everywhere, cheap I-LOVE-YOU cards and frames and stuff scattered on mats…people scrambling to pick the best of the worst, I just jejely squeezed my way through, wondering what St. Valentine would think of the madness.
‘Buy your plantain ships, buy one chop two, special Valamtime promotion! Na me dey fry am, na me dey sell am, special Valamtime thing!!! Ships here, Ships here!!! Aunty buy o!’ he he he he.
‘Lofas’ Day special, buy two shaki get one ponmo fisi! Na true, take am cook Fal soup! Sister! Sister!! Buy shaki, roundabout, tongue, yansh, leg, ifun, anytin, get ponmo free’ Yee pa!
I walk to my snail customer’s stall and she looks up and smiles and says, ’Happy Fal’s auntie’, I almost walked away, but I thought ‘my water-leaf soup cannot work without the snails’, so I just smile back and buy my stuff.
The woman selling vegetables was something else this Saturday o! She looked like that witch Gaetana from ‘Second Chance’ abi what’s the name of that Mexican soap again? Red wrapper, red lipstic, red beaded earrings and even red eye shadow, I thought to myself, ‘ki lon shele?’. There was no way in the world I was going to buy water-leaf from this woman, I walked round the market and I didn’t see water-leaf, like a prodigal daughter, I came back. The woman gave me extra 300 naira change, when I gave it back, she said ‘ Auntie no vex, na my husband I dey think, na Val’s dey shack me’ and she smiled. I coulda sworn she painted her teeth red as well.
It appeared the snail woman thought I had forgotten to collect my snails, after paying 2k! who on earth forgets that sorta thing?! I heard her shouting ‘Auntie! Auntie! Shey Falantine lo je ke gbagbe igbin yin ni?’ (is it Valentine that made you forget your snail?). I was irritated, she still hadn’t removed the shells, which was the reason why I had left it with her before.
The journey back was terrible, mad hold-up, double transport fare, the conductor kept hissing and asking no one in particular, ’shey Falamtime lo fa gbogbo eleyi ni?’ (Is it Valentine's Day that caused this one?) I tried to stop myself from laughing.
I have never celebrated Val’s day (except mandatorily –at college once and twice in church), last year, I picked February 14th to take my Oracle Certification while half the world was engulfed in sin and the other half was doing whatever they were doing ‘legally’. If the government made the day a public holiday, I may be more siked about it, but until then, I don’t see anything special about it. I mean, even my parents went out together, my mother forming that she was ill that she needed to go to the clinic, only for them to come back with ice cream and pizza. Mscheww, agbayas.
Val’s has come and gone, some people have broken up because of what happened on Saturday, some girls will end up with unwanted pregnancies or worse still HIV and some kinds of STDs, some men will end up with reduced or no savings, while some people’s love will grow and wax stronger after this year’s Valentine’s Day. As for me, I remain the same.
Let’s look for something better to hype now, like my sister STANDTALL!!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
I killed her on the 13th.
Hi blogville.
So friday the thirteenth is here again. I remember my post on this 'special' day of the week a while back.
But I discovered something recently that makes me believe that the day is might really be jinxed.
I was still fresh in blogville when i put up the I killed her post, but recently, I came across my school report card and found out that everything happened on a Friday the 13th. Maybe the myth is true, maybe it isn't. But the thing that changed my life in more ways than one happened on this day. I believe. So, I've decided to share the post again.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I killed her...
IT'S WHAT I THINK.
I was going on 7 (or was i going on 8 at that time????, the memories get more and more hazy)
A few years earlier, we'd just moved to a more secure neigbhourhood. Everyone (i mean my sister and brother) liked their new schools, except me. The kids were mean, the lunch was terrible and the toilet was an eyesore. I was a smart kid, and they hated me even more.
I had no friends, i always thought it was because i hadn't gotten my school uniform yet so they didn't see me as one of them...yet. Not long after i started this new school, we had a 'newer'-comer in our class. I remember vividly how she looked on her first day, just like me, she had one of those aunty-give-me-cake gowns, church shoes and her hair was tied up in rubber thread.
'Class this is 'Anthonia', welcome her' then the bunch of mean kids mumbled something and she got the empty seat on my bench...misery loves company. I remember this day vividly, i don't care how many pranks my mind plays on me. I made a friend that day. She was born in July, just like me. We were the same size, same height, same complexion. We only had different faces. We'd sometimes lie that we were sisters. The kids at school weren't so mean anymore, and if they were, we didn't care.
It didn't take long for me to discover how incredibly smart Anthonia was. Together, we'd decide who we wanted to come first and second on the tests and exams. We never really competed for first and second positions in our class, my parents didn't mind when i came second and she came first (and neither did her's) , better her than someone else. I remember she didn't have a father. I remember telling her we could share mine, and we did.
We were funny kids, stars of the teaching-staff room. I remember there was a fish tank in that office. Every afternoon at lunch break, we'd go in there and feed the fish, it was a goldfish. We'd crack jokes everytime about how we wanted to taste the fish and all. Anthonia knew how to laugh. I remember her laughter, it was deep, shrill, intense, always with tears in her eyes. We had no worries, never threw tantrums. We had fun.
Everyday after school, we'd walk down a few blocks to my house where her mum usually picked her up after work. While we waited for four o'clock for NTA to come up, we'd play all sorts of games, I remember it was she who taught me how to skip, and she was my hero when it came to 'ten-ten', she always won when we played 'catcher' and whenever we got tired, we'd sit in the house and watch VOLTRON- defender of the universe or Power Rangers till her mother came, sometimes, she'd sleep over.
I remember we loved to drink garri. We did it everyday, with groundnut. They called us Woomie-Epa and Toni-Epa.
Joker-Jellies were in vouge. My mother got us each a pair, one blue pair and one pink pair. (We pioneered that foot wear in my neighbourhood.) It was hard for us to choose, they were both beautiful. I took the blue anyways but when we ran errands, we'd exchange right legs so we'd each have a blue leg and a pink leg. It pissed my mother off all the time, but we'd still do it when she wasn't looking.
It was the end of the school year and her mother told me they were moving again. I had no idea what it meant at that time so i remember NOT remembering.
We'd tied at first position that term. I remember we weren't too excited, we'd already gotten used to it. I remember the walk home that friday afternoon, the Jumat service going on in the mosque about two blocks away. We always stopped for a while to watch them bow and chant, this day was no different, i recall. There were always arabs and other 'onyibos' there on fridays, Anthonia and i liked to stare at them.
We got home that afternoon and decided on a game of 'catcher'. I was a lazy child, i always turned the game of 'catcher' into another game of 'hide-and-seek' whenever it was my turn to be chased, I remember that was why she'd never let me catch her. I got tired of chasing and i wanted garri and groundnut as usual. We walked towards the gate together, i remember the shop where the groundnut was sold, right opposite my house. I remember shoving her that day, and'i've caught you!', 'i've caught you', 'go and buy the groundnut and come and catch me back'. Mad at my sudden victory, she raced towards the shop, backing the road and screaming at me. I remember that road, it wasn't a busy one.
As i closed my eyes and stood there thinking of which 'hole' to go and hide this time,i heard the tires sreeching (i still hear them now). I opened my eyes and stood there paralysed, i couldn't see Anthonia, people had gathered around the front of uncle Jimi's car, i keep thinking that if there had been less people there that day, i'd still have Anthonia. I heard the shouts and screams of the women (i still hear them now), still i couldn't move. I remember Uncle Jimi lifting her to the car, then i saw her face, she looked strange, there were tears in hey eyes, almost as if she was laughing. I knew it took the last bit of strength in her, but Anthonia kicked off my blue foot of Joker-Jelly, like she knew i'd get in trouble for it. Still, i couldn't move, i didn't care about it or any other thing at that moment. I just stood there, still, minutes after the Uncle Jimi drove off.
I remember it was my Aunt who came and picked me up from the gate. I remember i didn't talk for days. I remember not drinking garri or eating groundnut for a while.
I remember nobody talked about Anthonia ever again. I know they all think i can't remember. But i see that day everyday. I see her everyday. And sometimes, i talk to her, i know it's only me in the dialouge, but still, it feels good.
I have NEVER opened my mouth to talk about Anthonia to my mum or anyone (maybe i never will), I always write about it and then tear up the paper. I can't tear this up, I know she deserves to be remembered.
I don't know if she survived, if they moved or if i'll ever see her again. A part of me tells me I am me today because she happened to me ( i never would have mastered my 13-15 times table if it wasn't for her)
I never played 'catcher' or 'hide-and-seek' ever ever again. I hate those games.
I love my friend Anthonia, she's like my super-ego now,
I love the memory of her,
her laughter,
her tears,
and the Joker-jellies.
So friday the thirteenth is here again. I remember my post on this 'special' day of the week a while back.
But I discovered something recently that makes me believe that the day is might really be jinxed.
I was still fresh in blogville when i put up the I killed her post, but recently, I came across my school report card and found out that everything happened on a Friday the 13th. Maybe the myth is true, maybe it isn't. But the thing that changed my life in more ways than one happened on this day. I believe. So, I've decided to share the post again.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I killed her...
IT'S WHAT I THINK.
I was going on 7 (or was i going on 8 at that time????, the memories get more and more hazy)
A few years earlier, we'd just moved to a more secure neigbhourhood. Everyone (i mean my sister and brother) liked their new schools, except me. The kids were mean, the lunch was terrible and the toilet was an eyesore. I was a smart kid, and they hated me even more.
I had no friends, i always thought it was because i hadn't gotten my school uniform yet so they didn't see me as one of them...yet. Not long after i started this new school, we had a 'newer'-comer in our class. I remember vividly how she looked on her first day, just like me, she had one of those aunty-give-me-cake gowns, church shoes and her hair was tied up in rubber thread.
'Class this is 'Anthonia', welcome her' then the bunch of mean kids mumbled something and she got the empty seat on my bench...misery loves company. I remember this day vividly, i don't care how many pranks my mind plays on me. I made a friend that day. She was born in July, just like me. We were the same size, same height, same complexion. We only had different faces. We'd sometimes lie that we were sisters. The kids at school weren't so mean anymore, and if they were, we didn't care.
It didn't take long for me to discover how incredibly smart Anthonia was. Together, we'd decide who we wanted to come first and second on the tests and exams. We never really competed for first and second positions in our class, my parents didn't mind when i came second and she came first (and neither did her's) , better her than someone else. I remember she didn't have a father. I remember telling her we could share mine, and we did.
We were funny kids, stars of the teaching-staff room. I remember there was a fish tank in that office. Every afternoon at lunch break, we'd go in there and feed the fish, it was a goldfish. We'd crack jokes everytime about how we wanted to taste the fish and all. Anthonia knew how to laugh. I remember her laughter, it was deep, shrill, intense, always with tears in her eyes. We had no worries, never threw tantrums. We had fun.
Everyday after school, we'd walk down a few blocks to my house where her mum usually picked her up after work. While we waited for four o'clock for NTA to come up, we'd play all sorts of games, I remember it was she who taught me how to skip, and she was my hero when it came to 'ten-ten', she always won when we played 'catcher' and whenever we got tired, we'd sit in the house and watch VOLTRON- defender of the universe or Power Rangers till her mother came, sometimes, she'd sleep over.
I remember we loved to drink garri. We did it everyday, with groundnut. They called us Woomie-Epa and Toni-Epa.
Joker-Jellies were in vouge. My mother got us each a pair, one blue pair and one pink pair. (We pioneered that foot wear in my neighbourhood.) It was hard for us to choose, they were both beautiful. I took the blue anyways but when we ran errands, we'd exchange right legs so we'd each have a blue leg and a pink leg. It pissed my mother off all the time, but we'd still do it when she wasn't looking.
It was the end of the school year and her mother told me they were moving again. I had no idea what it meant at that time so i remember NOT remembering.
We'd tied at first position that term. I remember we weren't too excited, we'd already gotten used to it. I remember the walk home that friday afternoon, the Jumat service going on in the mosque about two blocks away. We always stopped for a while to watch them bow and chant, this day was no different, i recall. There were always arabs and other 'onyibos' there on fridays, Anthonia and i liked to stare at them.
We got home that afternoon and decided on a game of 'catcher'. I was a lazy child, i always turned the game of 'catcher' into another game of 'hide-and-seek' whenever it was my turn to be chased, I remember that was why she'd never let me catch her. I got tired of chasing and i wanted garri and groundnut as usual. We walked towards the gate together, i remember the shop where the groundnut was sold, right opposite my house. I remember shoving her that day, and'i've caught you!', 'i've caught you', 'go and buy the groundnut and come and catch me back'. Mad at my sudden victory, she raced towards the shop, backing the road and screaming at me. I remember that road, it wasn't a busy one.
As i closed my eyes and stood there thinking of which 'hole' to go and hide this time,i heard the tires sreeching (i still hear them now). I opened my eyes and stood there paralysed, i couldn't see Anthonia, people had gathered around the front of uncle Jimi's car, i keep thinking that if there had been less people there that day, i'd still have Anthonia. I heard the shouts and screams of the women (i still hear them now), still i couldn't move. I remember Uncle Jimi lifting her to the car, then i saw her face, she looked strange, there were tears in hey eyes, almost as if she was laughing. I knew it took the last bit of strength in her, but Anthonia kicked off my blue foot of Joker-Jelly, like she knew i'd get in trouble for it. Still, i couldn't move, i didn't care about it or any other thing at that moment. I just stood there, still, minutes after the Uncle Jimi drove off.
I remember it was my Aunt who came and picked me up from the gate. I remember i didn't talk for days. I remember not drinking garri or eating groundnut for a while.
I remember nobody talked about Anthonia ever again. I know they all think i can't remember. But i see that day everyday. I see her everyday. And sometimes, i talk to her, i know it's only me in the dialouge, but still, it feels good.
I have NEVER opened my mouth to talk about Anthonia to my mum or anyone (maybe i never will), I always write about it and then tear up the paper. I can't tear this up, I know she deserves to be remembered.
I don't know if she survived, if they moved or if i'll ever see her again. A part of me tells me I am me today because she happened to me ( i never would have mastered my 13-15 times table if it wasn't for her)
I never played 'catcher' or 'hide-and-seek' ever ever again. I hate those games.
I love my friend Anthonia, she's like my super-ego now,
I love the memory of her,
her laughter,
her tears,
and the Joker-jellies.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The real deal; two truths, one lie.
So, it’s time to say what’s true and what’s false.
First, I must confess that I’m really disappointed that not very many of you can vouch for ability to stay celibate abi what’s the word again???
No. 1 is a lie, I don’t have three blogs…they’re actually four. Tricky.
No. 2 is true, sometimes I have fantasies of ménage a trois or ménage a cinq (lol), and I certainly don’t want all four others to be men…variety is the spice of life. In my fantasies!!! FineboyAgbero, exschoolnerd etc, don’t start getting any crazy ideas.
No.3 is so true, I haven't gotten some in a long while, I plan to do something about it ASAP, that’s why I’m updating o, so it doesn’t turn into two lies and one truth. He he he.
That aside, I’ll like to make a toast to Chari and Buttercup!!! For seeing what was there all along!!!
I’ll be back soon…
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A quick update.
A Non-Governmental Ogranisation in Lagos is opening a scholarship program for gifted primary and secondary school students. The applicants must;
1. be from single-parent (widows, widowers, jilted mothers or fathers etc) homes;
2. have an average of at least 70% in their past school report sheets;
3. have a well established need for the scholarship i.e parents must be able to prove their financial constraints;
if you know anyone that fits this description, please help send applications to sosowoomie@gmail.com, on or before Thursday 29th January, 2008.
Applicants will be interviewed and shortlisted afterwards.
Spread the word please.
ps; i still owe y'all the two truths and one lie, i haven't forgotten. i'm just taking my time.
1. be from single-parent (widows, widowers, jilted mothers or fathers etc) homes;
2. have an average of at least 70% in their past school report sheets;
3. have a well established need for the scholarship i.e parents must be able to prove their financial constraints;
if you know anyone that fits this description, please help send applications to sosowoomie@gmail.com, on or before Thursday 29th January, 2008.
Applicants will be interviewed and shortlisted afterwards.
Spread the word please.
ps; i still owe y'all the two truths and one lie, i haven't forgotten. i'm just taking my time.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Plenty ishes...
Happy New Year blogville!!!!
I can't believe I haven't been here this year, it feels like I've been away since forever.
So, first things first, but not necessarily in that order, I have got a new job!!!! (eh o! I'm trying to sound important, saying 'new' like I had an old one before lol.) God is merciful, he brought me blogville and it feels as though blogville is solving all my problems...making me smile all the way. I published my unemployment status here on my blog and a stranger helped me, a stranger because even though we talk and gist and leave comments on eachother's blog, we hadn't met in person. God bless my helper, whoever you are, you know yourself.
The job is all I dreamed it would be, even though it's a 6-month internship program, for me, there's no better way to start.
I'm going to dedicate a whole post to issues and happenings on the job.lol.
I was at Poetry Potter a while back, an overhyped event ...boring ish. But t'was swell for me cuz I got to meet with my virtual friend Naughty Eyes. We didn't have time to gist for long, NE if you're reading this, you shouldn't have left town without doing everything in your itinery!!! And i'm hating you at the moment.
This is a really really ooold ish...that I should have shared since last decade...saoory, year. I broke off my engagement to Mr.-who-I-thought-was-right about three months ago. Life has been swell, so don't y'all go off with your 'ooohs!!!' and 'aaahs!!!' It felt like good riddance! except for the fact that he's back....I mean , wharrahell!!! why do guys like to do this??? cause confusion anyhow...as iffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This one is a really long ish, I should dedicate a whole post, special titles and pictures to it.he he he.
ok! what else is new??? eeerm, I got tagged!...by MN
here are the rules:
a. Tell three things about yourself, two should be true and one a lie.
b. Commenters should guess which two are true and which one is a lie and tell why they think so.
c. Tag 6 people to do the same.
d. Post the answers in your next blog, but only after you have a good number of comments
TWO TRUTHS AND ONE LIE.
oookay.
1. i have three blogs, well visited by everyone of you reading now. but y'all have no idea. Talk about MPD. (lemme make it easy for you.no, I'm not Vera Ezimora)
2. in my fantasies, i like to involve both sexes, variety i call it. Maybe I'm heterosexual, maybe I'm not.lol
3. i haven't had sex in about a year...no i'm not a virgin.
i tag... i have no idea...
ok I tag
1. exschoolnerd
2. felameetsabba
3. vera
4. Isi
5. standtall
6. laspapi
I can't believe I haven't been here this year, it feels like I've been away since forever.
So, first things first, but not necessarily in that order, I have got a new job!!!! (eh o! I'm trying to sound important, saying 'new' like I had an old one before lol.) God is merciful, he brought me blogville and it feels as though blogville is solving all my problems...making me smile all the way. I published my unemployment status here on my blog and a stranger helped me, a stranger because even though we talk and gist and leave comments on eachother's blog, we hadn't met in person. God bless my helper, whoever you are, you know yourself.
The job is all I dreamed it would be, even though it's a 6-month internship program, for me, there's no better way to start.
I'm going to dedicate a whole post to issues and happenings on the job.lol.
I was at Poetry Potter a while back, an overhyped event ...boring ish. But t'was swell for me cuz I got to meet with my virtual friend Naughty Eyes. We didn't have time to gist for long, NE if you're reading this, you shouldn't have left town without doing everything in your itinery!!! And i'm hating you at the moment.
This is a really really ooold ish...that I should have shared since last decade...saoory, year. I broke off my engagement to Mr.-who-I-thought-was-right about three months ago. Life has been swell, so don't y'all go off with your 'ooohs!!!' and 'aaahs!!!' It felt like good riddance! except for the fact that he's back....I mean , wharrahell!!! why do guys like to do this??? cause confusion anyhow...as iffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This one is a really long ish, I should dedicate a whole post, special titles and pictures to it.he he he.
ok! what else is new??? eeerm, I got tagged!...by MN
here are the rules:
a. Tell three things about yourself, two should be true and one a lie.
b. Commenters should guess which two are true and which one is a lie and tell why they think so.
c. Tag 6 people to do the same.
d. Post the answers in your next blog, but only after you have a good number of comments
TWO TRUTHS AND ONE LIE.
oookay.
1. i have three blogs, well visited by everyone of you reading now. but y'all have no idea. Talk about MPD. (lemme make it easy for you.no, I'm not Vera Ezimora)
2. in my fantasies, i like to involve both sexes, variety i call it. Maybe I'm heterosexual, maybe I'm not.lol
3. i haven't had sex in about a year...no i'm not a virgin.
i tag... i have no idea...
ok I tag
1. exschoolnerd
2. felameetsabba
3. vera
4. Isi
5. standtall
6. laspapi
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