Dear Papi,

You seem to know how to look after yourself

And seem to know how to handle the higher-ups, too.

But take a tip from your insignificant friend,

Who could use a few lessons herself,

But wants to show you the way, blind though she is.

What I have to say may be something you can make use of:

If it is, please do.

For this new invitation that I have chosen to write,

The wish is there…but the skill is not.

I’ve chosen to be the lady again…and you won’t refuse to be the gentleman, or will you?

So my friend, I have decided to post a reply the invitation ‘that YOU will write’

Presumptuous of me, you say???

Why so? Just mind your own business!

My bad! This is YOUR business.

So, you were thinking about a candle-lit dinner at Protea?

I’m sorry, I have a curfew.

And perhaps if I didn’t, I’ll still think it a bad idea,

I have a phobia for bow ties (black ones especially)

One minute into dinner, I’ll take it off,

For fear that you might choke on the spiced lobster,

And now wouldn’t that be odd in that freaky banquet hall?

I buy your first idea of a weekend movie,

I’ll choose that over others on one condition;

-oh! Okay, maybe two conditions!

You do not turn into a critic and compare the movie (that I’ll choose) to the

beautiful plays you so flawlessly write,

And, we pay for each other’s tickets at the box-office.

If you should hang behind, or dash out in front

And think I’ll wait or try to catch up: I won’t.

Should you think of me as the one-eyed, three-legged version of Goro in Mortal Kombat,

You will try hard to make me out to be a fairy princess (a fat one nonetheless) and go through with the date like it was all you dreamed it would be.

Oh! Ok! So you don’t drive?

Not my idea of ‘a more willing Paddy’But it’s not big deal, I don’t drive either.

Have you tried the new BRT?

I haven’t.

Let’s do it on our date.

I choose it over the taxis and hired rides.

Forget about Barceló’s and their silly legend,

When I’m excited, I don’t eat (not even marinated chicken)

On that weekend afternoon when you feel up to it

…when you feel like you need a good laugh,

Call on me,

I am fat, I am fine,

One of Gidi’s sleek, well-cared-for swine.


Now if you have a better idea than this to proffer,

Tell me, old boy.

If not, just take what I offer.





PS: do not for a second think of an ‘after-party’
For I had no prior intention of mentioning you and perversion
in the same breath.
No one-night-stands for Gidi’s sleekest.
What use is it?
A man or woman you won’t remember…
A night you can’t forget.
(…and no twelve month stands either!)
Presumptuous again, you say?
Marvel at nothing.


PPS: I drafted this with the better part of my study time. I am soooo taking you up on this.